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Thread ID: 66344	2006-02-19 18:18:00	Monday Laughs: Aging	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
432236	2006-02-19 18:18:00	George Carlin's Views on Aging : Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions . "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half . You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key . You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back . You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead . "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21 . Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21 . YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30 . Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out . There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling . What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40 . Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away . Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone . But wait!!! You! MAKE it to 60 . You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60 . You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime . And it doesn't end there . Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92 . " Then a strange thing happens . If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again . "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! Cheers Billy 8-{) :) Remember: In life, every day above ground is a good day .	Billy T (70)
432237	2006-02-19 19:49:00	By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep"? asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring"? "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that"? asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me	smithie 38 (6684)
432238	2006-02-19 21:15:00	hahahah made me laugh both of those. :thumbs:	mark c (247)
432239	2006-02-20 04:29:00	HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them..... 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. Tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge, your sanctuary. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt-trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. At every opportunity, tell the people you love that you love them, AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who gives a toss? But do share this with someone you care about. Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
432240	2006-02-20 05:44:00	HOW TO STAY YOUNG 3. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. : Number 4 is what you do after number 3 gets you.	pctek (84)
432241	2006-02-20 06:17:00	Probably a good opportunity to quote the Sunscreen text: Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…	Greg (193)
432242	2006-02-20 06:35:00	Truer than I would've dreamed when I was the age of that audience. I wonder if they're practising what he preached.	Laura (43)
432243	2006-02-20 07:19:00	For the benefit of those who haven't heard it - Baz Luhman put this text to music, and is available temporarily for download in MP3 format from here ( . hostnz . co . nz/stuff/" target="_blank">www . hostnz . co . nz) . It's trez chic (very cool) . If you've got Quicktime or some other plugin installed in your browser it may start automatically . I recommend right-click and Save Link Target As etc so that you can use your own preferred player .	Greg (193)
432244	2006-02-20 08:45:00	Woman I shave my legs, I sit down to pee . And I can justify any shopping spree . Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon . I can get a massage without a hard-on . I can balance the checkbook, I can pump my own gas . Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass . My beauty's a masterpiece and yes, it takes long . At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong . I don't drive in circles, at any cost . And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost . I never forget an important date . You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late . I don't watch movies with lots of gore . Don't need instant replay to remember the score . I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch . And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a ***** . Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her . In your dreams, my dear, I can do better! Flowers are okay, But jewellery's best . Look at me you idiot . . . Not at my chest???? I don't have a problem, With Expressing my feelings . I know when you're lying, You look at the ceiling . DON'T call me a GIRL , a BABE or a CHICK . I am a WOMAN . Get it?, you DICK! :lol:	beetle (243)
432245	2006-02-20 23:05:00	Man I don't shave my legs, unless I'm riding a bike. Stuff caring and sharing, I'll do what I like. I can voice my feelings in less than 2 words, but sometimes it takes 3 when the missus hasn't heard. My mates are all there for me, like a permanent ruck, but if you want a group hug, you're right outa luck. I can burp and can fart, but it aint my fault if I sit around with my legs wide apart. Women can't resist me, especially those lucky ones who swooned when they kissed me. If they want me that bad, They'll bring me a beer. Then if they're really lucky, I'll show them I care, by saying something like, “That's nice of you dear...” I don't need a wax job, and my arse looks just fine. I may have man boobs and middle age spread, but who really cares, as long as I get fed. I don't long for diamonds to make me complete, I'm happy with my old stubbies, and jandals on my feet. To all you fine women who find time to primp and preen, here's some good advice: Sure you look nice honey, But the house better be clean! (just for beetle) ;)	Shortcircuit (1666)
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