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| Thread ID: 66537 | 2006-02-26 18:06:00 | Monday laughs: You can't bluff past a maitre 'd | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 433996 | 2006-02-26 18:06:00 | A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it. The Arab said "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes." The Arab shouted, "You idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water!" "OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie or that you have called me an idiot. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go now! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!" The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared, but four hours later he came crawling back to where the Jewish man was still sitting at his table. The Jew said, "Why have you come back here? I told you, that you could get water about two miles over that hill. Could you not find it?" "I found it all right," rasped the Arab. "But your brother won't let me in without a tie." Cheers Billy 8-{) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 433997 | 2006-02-26 20:13:00 | Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no f**kin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners." |
smithie 38 (6684) | ||
| 433998 | 2006-02-26 20:18:00 | LOL Both good ones :D | mark c (247) | ||
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