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Thread ID: 66732	2006-03-05 21:28:00	Monday laughs: Don't mess with lawyers	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
435786	2006-03-06 03:55:00	What do you call a pile of dead lawyers at the bottom of a pit? A good start. -Qyiet What do you call a 60-seater bus with 59 lawyers on board going over a cliff? A tragedy. :D	mark c (247)
435787	2006-03-06 03:58:00	One more for the pot: On their way to a Justice of the Peace to get married, a couple have a fatal car accident. A little later they are sitting outside Heaven waiting on St. Peter to do an intake, and while waiting, they wonder if they could possibly still get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and after he completes their admission procedures and opens the Pearly Gates, they ask him about getting married. St. Peter tugs on his beard and replies, "I really don't know, this is the first time anyone ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit around in Heaven moping for a month or two and begin to wonder if they ever will be able to get married in Heaven. Much later, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled and worn out. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great!" says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Would we be able to get a divorce in Heaven too?" St. Peter goes red in the face and slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaim the frightened couple. "Good grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me over six months to find a Priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's likely to take for me to find a Lawyer?!" Cheers Billy 8-{) :D	Billy T (70)
435788	2006-03-06 04:00:00	hahahaha that made me laugh. I'll use that one.	mark c (247)
435789	2006-03-06 05:56:00	A Kiwi bloke was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get "those feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear:... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?".	godfather (25)
435790	2006-03-06 06:17:00	Isn't Winsto001 a lawyer. Hey winston tell us how you get by with all these lawyer jokes? He tells computer tech jokes: During the French Revolution a priest, a lawyer and a technician were lined up at the guillotine to be beheaded. They were given the choice to look up or to look facing down in the guillotine. The priest said, "Well Heaven is up, so I'll look up, so I can see where I'm going." They placed the Priest in the guillotine facing up and released the blade. The blade stopped just inches from the priest, so they let him go, thinking it was a miracle. The lawyer thought, "Well if it worked for the priest, it might work for me," so they placed him in the guillotine looking up. They released the blade, and it stopped just inches from the lawyer, who claimed he can't be executed twice for the same crime, so they let him go. The technician thought, "Well why not?" So they put him in the guillotine looking up, and the technician said, "Wait a minute! If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."	pctek (84)
435791	2006-03-06 22:57:00	Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window . Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door . Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation . If they are counting the bricks . Put them in the accounts department . If they are recounting them . Put them in auditing . If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks . Put them in engineering . If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order . Put them in planning . If they are throwing the bricks at each other . Put them in operations . If they are sleeping . Put them in reception . If they have broken the bricks into pieces . Put them in information technology . If they are sitting idle . Put them in human resources . If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved . Put them in sales . If they have already left for the day . Put them in marketing . If they are staring out of the window . Put them in strategic planning . And then last but not least If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved . Congratulate them and put in legal .	KiwiTT_NZ (233)
435792	2006-03-07 09:43:00	1 . Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies . 2 . What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door . 3 . If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there . 4 . Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone . 5 . Go for the younger man . You might as well, they never mature anyway . 6 . Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart . 7 . Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable . 8 . Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types . 9 . Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it . 10 . Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener . 11 . If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital . 12 . The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years . Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions . 13 . If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books . 14 . Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his . 15 . Sadly, all men are created equal . :lol: beetle	beetle (243)
435793	2006-03-07 10:10:00	One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well . The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do . Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey . He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him . They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well . At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly . Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down . A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well . He was astonished at what he saw . With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing . He would shake it off and take a step up . As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up . Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt . The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up . Each of our troubles is a steppingstone . We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up . Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1 . Free your heart from hatred - Forgive . 2 . Free your mind from worries - Most never happen . 3 . Live simply and appreciate what you have . 4 . Give more . 5 . Expect less NOW ------------------ Enough of that rubbish . . . The donkey later came back, and beat the crap out of the farmer who had tried to bury him . The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock . MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . When you do something wrong, and try to cover your a**(donkey) it always comes back to bite you . :lol: beetle	beetle (243)
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