Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 67405	2006-03-26 21:45:00	Monday laughs: Baptist toilet humour	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
440971	2006-03-26 21:45:00	CAMPING A very proper lady began planning a week's camping vacation for her and her Baptist Church group. She wrote to a campground for reservations. She wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped and modern, but couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. So she decided on the old-fashioned term "bathroom commode." Once she had written it down, she still was not comfortable. Finally she decided on the abbreviation "B.C." and wrote, "Does your campground have its own "B.C.?" When the campground owner received the letter, he couldn't figure out what she meant by "B.C." He showed it to several of the campers, one of whom suggested the lady was obviously referring to a Baptist Church, since there was a letterhead on the paper which referred to a Baptist Church. So he sent this reply: Dear Madam: The B.C. is located nine miles from the campground in a beautiful grove of trees. I admit it is quite a distance if you and your group are in the habit of going regularly. No doubt you will be pleased to know that it will seat 350 people at one time, and it is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday of each week. Some folks like to take their lunch and make a day of it. The acoustics are very good, so everyone can hear even the quietest passages. It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband there. We are also having a fund-raiser to purchase new seats, as the old ones have holes in them. Unfortunately, my wife is ill and has not been able to attend regularly. It's been a good six months since she last went. It pains her very much not to be able to go more often. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, especially in cold weather. Perhaps I could accompany your group the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks who will be there. Thank you for your interest, we offer a very friendly campground and I look forward to your visit. Manager. Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
440972	2006-03-26 23:03:00	While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his manhood covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you ---you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your manhood." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice." The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his manhood and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease." The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my manhood!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!" Oh, Thank God!" the man replies. "Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"	smithie 38 (6684)
440973	2006-03-26 23:14:00	CHINESE WEDDING NIGHT A Chinese couple get married - and she's a virgin . Truth be told, he is not too experienced either . On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses . He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring . "My darling" he says, "I know this is your first time and you are very frightened . I promise you, I will give you anything you want, I will do anything - just anything you want . So, what would you like?" he asks, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride . A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (but eagerly) for her request . She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want to try something I have heard about . Number 69 . " More thoughtful silence, this time from him . Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries . . . [Scroll down:] "You sure? . . . . . . You want . . . . . . Beef with Broccoli?"	Billy T (70)
440974	2006-03-27 01:17:00	Blondes............. January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days..... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 !!! December - Couldn't call 911....."duh"..... there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!! What a year!!	Cicero (40)
440975	2006-03-27 02:40:00	The latest scam operating out of large shopping malls happened to me at Lynn Mall Shopping Centre. Two good looking 18 year old women with wet T-shirts approach while you're still in the car. One starts wiping your windshield with a squigee, the other comes to your window saying 'Hi' while bending over with her breasts almost coming out of her T-shirt, impossible not to look. When you offer $2 for the screen-clean they say no and ask for a ride to another Shopping Centre. You agree and tell them to sit in the back. On the way they start having Lezbo sex in the back seat. Then one of them jumps to the front seat & starts to perform 0ral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, but I couldn't find them Saturday or Sunday. Be careful. ;)	FoxyMX (5)
440976	2006-03-27 02:47:00	A beautiful, well endowed, young lady went to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet . As she looked about the store, she noticed a box full of frogs . The sign said: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions . " The girl excitedly looked around to see if anybody was watching her and whispered softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one . " The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully . " The girl nodded, grabbed the box, and quickly went home . As soon as she closed the door to her apartment, she read the instructions thoroughly and carefully . Then she followed the instructions to the letter: 1 . Take a shower . 2 . Splash on some nice-smelling perfume . 3 . Slip into a very sexy teddy . 4 . Crawl into bed and place the frog in the bed . She quickly got into bed with the frog . To her surprise, nothing happened . The girl was totally frustrated and quite upset . She reread the instructions and noticed that, at the bottom of the page, there was a note . It said, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store . " So, the lady called the pet store . The man said, "I had some other complaints earlier today . I'll be right over . " Within five minutes, the man was ringing her doorbell . The lady welcomed him and said, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn frog just sits there . " The man, looking very concerned, picked up the frog, stared directly into its eyes, and sternly said, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"	FoxyMX (5)
440977	2006-03-27 08:56:00	Original computer Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web was a spider's home A virus was the flu A CD was a bank account A hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And if you had a 3 inch floppy . . . well, you just hoped nobody ever found out! . .	johnboy (217)
1