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Thread ID: 142894	2016-10-03 09:06:00	Monday Laughs:..Four Irishmen at large............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1426858	2016-10-03 09:06:00	. . Father McGee walked into the Church and spotted a man sitting cross-legged on the altar. 'My son,' said the holy man, 'what are you doing? Who are you?' 'I'm God,' said the stranger. 'Pardon?' 'I'm God,' he repeated. 'This is my house!' Father McGee ran into the Presbytery and, in total panic, rang the Archbishop. 'Your Reverence,' said he, 'I hate to trouble you, but there's a man sat on me altar who claims he's God. What'll I do?' Take no chances,' said the Archbishop. 'Get back in the Church and look busy!' ********************************* O'Brien was suffering from pains in his knees, so he visited the doctor. "You're suffering from a disease that we medical experts call "kneeitis", said the doctor. "Take it easy for a month or so and above all don't climb any stairs. That puts a terrible strain on the knees so it does." A month later O'Brien returned and after a brief examination was found to have recovered completely. "Can I climb the stairs now Doctor?" "To be sure ye can O'Brien," replied the Doctor. "Thank Heavens," said O'Brien , "I was getting a bit browned off climbing up the drainpipe every time I wanted to go to the toilet." ********************************* A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes, and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first." ********************************* Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. A short time into the flight, Paddy was told the Dublin runway was closed by ice and he was to divert to Shannon. They flew on, then as they approached Shannon airport, they looked out the front window to get a look at the runway. "B'jeesus," said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is." "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see," said Paddy. "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy." replied Shamus. "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy. "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus. So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat Shannon strip has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life". Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is". Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1426859	2016-10-04 06:48:00	Young city kid goes on a bus trip out to the country, when he got home his father asked what he saw. “Well, we sawed sum funny looking animuls dat wus abart de size of our dog, but dey wus all covered wid white curly fur und de teecher called dem Sheeps. I liked dem, day wus nice.” “Den we sawed sum funny little birds dat cuddent fly, Der teecher called dem Chickens, and dat were we get eggies frum. I liked dem to.” And we sawed sum big animuls, dey wus all black, browns and white wid funny big wiggly fings under its bum, they’s called Cows and we got milk from dem, I liked dem to.” Den we sawed some f*ckers, dey wus like der Cows but smaller.” “Hey up,” said his father, “What on earth are f*ckers, I’ve never heard of them.” “Well der teecher called em Effers, but we knew what she ment.”	tutaenui (1724)
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