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Thread ID: 68904	2006-05-15 02:41:00	Monday laughs: The perfect mate....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
454949	2006-05-15 02:41:00	A man walks to 5th Ave . & 42nd St . in New York City during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi immediately . He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing . You're just like Sheldon . " "Who?" "Sheldon Cohen . Now there was a guy who did everything right . Like my cab being vacant during a rainstorm . It would have happened like that for Sheldon every single time . " "Well, no one is perfect . There are always a few clouds over everybody", stated the passenger . "Not Sheldon," said the cabbie . "He was a terrific athlete . He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis . He could golf with the pros . He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star . Handsome and sophisticated, even more so than Cary Grant . He had a better body than Arnold in his prime . He was something! "Somehow Sheldon just knew exactly how to make women happy," the cabbie continued . "He had a memory like a computer . Could remember everybody's birthday . He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with . He could fix anything . Not like me . I change a fuse and the whole neighbourhood blacks out . " "Wow, incredible, no wonder you remember him!" said the passenger . "Well, I never actually met Sheldon," admitted the cabbie . "Then how do you know so much about him?" asked the passenger . "After he died, I married his wife . " Cheers Billy 8-{) ;)	Billy T (70)
454950	2006-05-15 02:57:00	With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently . When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit . "May we see the new baby?" one asked . "Not yet," said the mother . "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first . " Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother . After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now? " "No, not yet," replied the mother . Growing very impatient, they asked," Well, when CAN we see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them . "WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded . "Why do we have to wait until he CRIES??" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him . . . "	KiwiTT_NZ (233)
454951	2006-05-15 03:02:00	A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of that Broke Back Mountain gay sh!t in our garden." she said	KiwiTT_NZ (233)
454952	2006-05-15 04:29:00	In pharmacology, all drugs have two names - a trade name and a generic name . For example, the trade name of Tylenol is acetaminophen . Aleve is known as naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, and Advil is ibuprofen . The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra . After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin . Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin . Pfizer Corp . is making an announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer . Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims it will now be possible for a man to literally, pour himself a stiff one . Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink . This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink . Pepsi will Market the new concoction by the name of Mount & Do . The long-term implications of drugs and medical procedures must be fully considered: Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than was spent on Alzheimer's research . It is believed that by the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what they're doing, or who they are .	smithie 38 (6684)
454953	2006-05-15 05:13:00	:thumbs: Smithie	sam m (517)
454954	2006-05-15 08:25:00	Darn it Smithie, I was going to post that one . :D HOW NOT TO HAVE A QUICKIE The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities . He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted . A few moments passed . . . "An ambulance just drove by" A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out . "Matt's riding a new bike . . . . . " A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving" " Jason is on his skate board . . . . " A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex!!" Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!! Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex?" "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too . "	FoxyMX (5)
454955	2006-05-15 08:37:00	Sorry I beat you to it FoxyMX - but I do like the one you posted. :lol: Hi Sam - Thanks for the thumbs up. Hope you and family are all well. Smithie	smithie 38 (6684)
454956	2006-05-15 09:50:00	Nice Susan and Kiwi!! :lol:	E|im (87)
454957	2006-05-16 02:36:00	I went into a gas station and asked for $5 gas. The guy behind the counter farted and handed me my reciept.	lazydog (148)
454958	2006-05-16 02:43:00	If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman . He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial . The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility . . . . Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?" A: "No sir . But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away . " Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?" A: "The officer who responded to the scene . " Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender . Do you trust your fellow officers?" A: "Yes, sir . With my life . " Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer . Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?" A: "Yes sir, we do!" Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?" A: "Yes sir, I do . " Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?" A: "Yes sir . " Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?" A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room . " The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called . The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win .	KiwiTT_NZ (233)
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