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Thread ID: 143083	2016-11-17 20:59:00	Jokes for Billy... Add a joke type post	kenj (9738)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1428854	2016-11-17 20:59:00	lets get some jokes going for Billy. There is to much sadness in the world. Saw this the other day....made me smile. ************************************************** ******** i i i i Don’t beam me up i Yet Scotty i i I’m just taking a shi ************************************************** ******* Darn, all the i's are supposed to be above the last letter of the last word!!!!! doesn't want to do it. What jokes can you add Ken	kenj (9738)
1428855	2016-11-17 21:18:00	I had a quick scroll through my latest arrivals, if you seen it/them before then post your own. :) A little fun economics to lighten up your day .... Wife to her Accountant husband what is inflation? Husband Earlier you were 36-24-36. But now you are 48-40-48 Though you have everything bigger than before, your value has become less than before This is INFLATION ------------------------------ --- Economics is not that difficult if we have the right examples Interviewer What is Recession? Candidate When "Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession ------------------------------ --- Accountancy fact What is the difference between Liability & Asset? A drunk friend is liability. But, A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset ------------------------------ --- An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wives A- Monopoly should be broken B- Competition improves the quality of service If u have 1 wife, She fights with you If u have 2 wives, They will fight for you Feel the difference & decide Disclaimer Sender is not having any such experience and not responsible for any side effects.. ------------------------------ ----- When you are in love Wonders happen But once you get married You wonder, what happened ------------------------------ ----- Philosophy of marriage At the beginning every wife treats her husband as GOD.. Later, somehow don't know why.. alphabets get reversed.. ------------------------------ ----- Secret formula for married couples... "Love One Another" And if it doesn't work, bring the last word to the middle.!!!!	Marnie (4574)
1428856	2016-11-17 21:23:00	A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert . They found a lamp and rubbed it . A genie popped out and granted them each one wish . The redhead wished to be back home . Poof! She was back home . The brunette wished to be at home with her family . Poof! She was back home with her family . The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here . " ********************************************* Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know . " Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!" ******************************************** A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game . They had great seats right behind their team's bench . After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience . "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents . " Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!" ************************************************* There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes . One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals . Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke . She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes . I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do . I memorized all the state capitals . " One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you . What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered .	kenj (9738)
1428857	2016-11-18 03:34:00	A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Elizabeth May, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: ----------------------- 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------------ 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. -------------------- 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). --------------------- 12.. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. -------------------- 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.. ----------------- 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). --------------- 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen!	smithie 38 (6684)
1428858	2016-11-18 03:53:00	Another from the politically incorrect editor of our local paper. 7677	B.M. (505)
1428859	2016-11-18 05:15:00	Another from the politically incorrect editor of our local paper. 7677 An oldie but still rings true	gary67 (56)
1428860	2016-11-19 21:59:00	Has the demand gone?	Cicero (40)
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