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Thread ID: 69773	2006-06-11 20:55:00	Monday laughs: Blondes in the cross-hairs..... Again	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
462379	2006-06-11 20:55:00	A blonde was shopping at a Warehouse store and came across a large silver thermos flask . She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was . The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold . " "Wow!, said the blonde, "that's amazing . I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day . Her boss saw it on her desk . "What do you have there?" he asked . "Why, that's a thermos . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied . Her boss inquired, "So what do you have in it?" The blond replied, "Two chocolate icecream bars, and some coffee" . A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde . The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets . Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls . " Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?" A young ventriloquist is on tour in the hinterlands and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Southland . . . . With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes . Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands up on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes . What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with their worth as a human being? It's jerks like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person . Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general . . . and all in the name of so-called humour . . . !" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that smart-arsed little prick on your knee . . . . " A blonde phones the fire brigade and says 'Can you please come quick, my house is on fire and will be demolished if you don't save it!' The fireman asks "How do we get there?" "Hellloooooo", the blonde replies, "in your f#@!ing big red truck!" Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
462380	2006-06-12 05:56:00	On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?" "That's easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors." "But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired. "You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in?" When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?" Blair replied, "That's easy! The child was me." "Very good," said the Queen, "You may go now." So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?" Rove replied, Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?" "Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer." So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President. As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said, "Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?" "That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me." "Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!" So Rove went to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!" "No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair!"	smithie 38 (6684)
462381	2006-06-12 23:17:00	Harry worked at zoo in Belfast, Ireland . One day he was found sitting on the curb alongside the elephant house, crying and sobbing . A fellow worker asked him why he was carrying on so, and he said he was extremely sad about the death of the oldest elephant in the zoo, "I didn't know you and the elephant were so close" said the fellow . "Not that close, but I have to bury it!"	SurferJoe46 (51)
462382	2006-06-13 04:39:00	This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years . The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke . The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air . Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick . He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural . She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out . The years went by and he continued to rip them out . Then one morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her . She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of warmed turkey guts into his shorts . Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom . The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good . About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face . She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter . He said, "Darling, you were right . All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you . " "What do you mean?" asked his wife . "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened . But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in . "	godfather (25)
462383	2006-06-13 04:45:00	Guts meaning stomach? That is quite a way up :( :eek: Mind... shutting... down...	mejobloggs (264)
462384	2006-06-13 05:54:00	There was a tradesman, a painter called Wayne, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a major restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest buildings. Wayne put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine. Well, Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Wayne was no fool. He knew this was a Judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And the Lord replied: "Repaint! Repaint! And Thin no more!" Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
462385	2006-06-13 07:10:00	" Repaint! Repaint! And Thin no more!" I dont get it	sambaird (47)
462386	2006-06-13 07:13:00	Repent! Repent! And sin no more!	mejobloggs (264)
462387	2006-06-13 07:27:00	Repent! Repent! And sin no more! still dont get it but thanks any way	sambaird (47)
462388	2006-06-13 11:30:00	still dont get it but thanks any way Hey, we caught our first blonde!! It is a simple play on words Sam, a twist on an old biblical saying . Repaint = Repent Thin = Sin It was a joke . . . . . . . . . . Sigh . . . . . . . Billy 8-{) :dogeye: Of course you could alway look upon it as God having a speech impediment! :p	Billy T (70)
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