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Thread ID: 70003	2006-06-19 04:22:00	Monday laughs: Aging is SO much fun!!	FoxyMX (5)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
464310	2006-06-19 04:22:00	Just in case you weren't feeling "too" old today, this will certainly change things . The people who started university this year across the nation were born in 1987 . Star Wars is older than them . Their lifetime has always included AIDS . Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic . They have always had an answering machine They cannot fathom not having a remote control . They have always had CDs, never records . Ray Martin has been on Channel 9 their entire life . Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave . They never took a swim and thought about Jaws . They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are . They don't know who Mork was or where he was from . They do not care who shot J . R . and have no idea who J . R . even was . McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers . They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter . (Do they actually know what a typewriter is?!) Do you feel old yet? (Sorry) Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list . Don't forget to use larger type - that's for those of you who have trouble reading . Save the earth . It's the only planet with chocolate :cool: Hope you don't mind me posting Monday Laughs for you this week Billy, but Monday just ain't the same without our fix!!	FoxyMX (5)
464311	2006-06-19 04:28:00	15 reasons why you should leave your husband in front of the TV when you go shopping..... The following letter was sent to a long time patron of a local Target store. After receiving this letter, she vowed that she would NEVER take her husband shopping with her again! ! ! 12 January 2006 Re: Mr. Bill Fenton; Multiple Complaints Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below. 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping: 1. 15th June: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. 2nd July: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. 7th July: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. 19th July: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. 4th August: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layby. 6. 14th September: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. 15th September: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. 23rd September: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. 4th October: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. 10th November: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 11. 3rd December: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. 6th December: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. 18th December: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. 21st December: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" (And; last, but not least!) 15. 23rd December: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"	FoxyMX (5)
464312	2006-06-19 04:44:00	Groan.....thanks for that, it made me feel really old.....I think I had to explain to someone recently who Mork was (and BTW if you were born in the last 20 years, he is from Ork).	andrew93 (249)
464313	2006-06-19 05:35:00	Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered: * I started out with nothing, I still have most of it. * My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran. * I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. * Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. * If all is not lost, where is it? * It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. * Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant. * I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few. * Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. * It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. * Only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. * If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. * When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? * It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere! * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.	smithie 38 (6684)
464314	2006-06-19 05:39:00	Family Death A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here , and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."	smithie 38 (6684)
464315	2006-06-19 05:59:00	Groan.....thanks for that, it made me feel really old.....I think I had to explain to someone recently who Mork was (and BTW if you were born in the last 20 years, he is from Ork).Really... I had Gork stuck in my head.. ah well I've never watched much TV at all (I think I have one in the garage somewhere... ), it always kills me in trivial pursuit. -Qyiet	qyiet (6730)
464316	2006-06-19 06:08:00	15 reasons why you should leave your husband in front of the TV when you go shopping..... " I'll have to try a few of those next time I'm out shopping. :cool:	pctek (84)
464317	2006-06-19 06:24:00	I'll have to try a few of those next time I'm out shopping. :cool: Yeah, preferably when you accompany your hubby on his shopping trip. :D Must remember some next time I'm getting the groceries. Might actually make the trip fun for once. :p	FoxyMX (5)
464318	2006-06-20 06:49:00	You May Be Getting Old If... You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. Your back goes out more than you do. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You are proud of your lawn mower. Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. You would rather go to work than stay home sick. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. Neighbors borrow your tools. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did i wake you?" The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. You wear black socks with sandals. Your ears are hairier than your head. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. You go bowling without drinking. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You feel like the night before and didn't even go out. A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge Dialing long distance tires you out. You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it. Everything hurts, and when it doesn't, it doesn't work. Your little black book only contains names ending in MD. You get winded playing chess. You join a health club and don't go. You're still chasing women, but can't remember why. Your mind makes contracts your body can't fulfill. You know all the answers but no one asks the questions. You look forward to a dull evening. You turn out the light for economic, not romantic reasons. You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go. Your knees buckle but your belt doesn't. You're 17 around the neck, 43 around the waist and 100 around the golf course. After painting the town red you have to take a nap before a 2nd coat. A lot of room in the house, but none in the medicine cabinet. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You finally know your way around and don't feel like going. Everything is farther away than it used to be and it's twice as far to the corner than it used to be and they've added a hill. You give up running for the bus because it leaves much faster than it used to. Stairs are much steeper than they used to be and they're using smaller print in the papers. New clothes are getting smaller in the hips and waist. Everyone speaks so low you can't hear them. People are much younger than they were when you were their age, but people your age are older than your are. You meet an old friend who has aged so much she doesn't recognize you.	Cicero (40)
464319	2006-06-20 10:20:00	Yes, I know the test is for elderly males, but I scored 13 Yeses on that. (No, I'm not going to say which ones) It's a worry...	Laura (43)
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