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Thread ID: 72199	2006-09-03 20:51:00	Monday Laughs: Life in a different reality.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
482440	2006-09-03 20:51:00	Tom and Phyllis were both patients in a mental hospital . One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Tom suddenly jumped into the deep end . He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there . Phyllis promptly jumped in to save him . She swam to the bottom and pulled Tom out . When the hospital director became aware of Phyllis' heroic act, she immediately ordered that Phyllis be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Phyllis to be mentally stable . The director went to Phyllis and said, "I have some good news and some bad news . The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient . Your action displays sound mindedness . The bad news is that Tom, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him . I am so sorry, but he's dead . " Phyllis replied, "He didn't hang himself . I put him up there to dry . How soon can I go home?" ***************************************** It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time either, and this should help get you started: The Bathtub Test During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised . "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub . " "Oh, I understand," said the visitor . "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup . " "No . " said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug . Would you prefer a bed near the window or one closer to the door?" ***************************************** Mr . Clinton was living out his declining years in a nursing home . One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed, and Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong . "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr . Clinton, "my Private Part died today, and I am very sad . " Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little confused, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Mr . Clinton, please accept my condolences . The following day, Mr . Clinton was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pyjamas, when he met Nurse Tracy . "Mr . Clinton," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall like that . . . Please put your Private Part back inside your pyjamas . " But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr . Clinton, "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died . " "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pyjamas?" "Well", Mr . Clinton replied, "today's the viewing . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
482441	2006-09-03 21:52:00	**mejobloggs takes the bed next to the window. The Bathtub Test is great :)	mejobloggs (264)
482442	2006-09-03 22:40:00	Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers . The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again . " The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?" The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel likespending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air . The blonde says: . . . . . . . . . . . (scroll down . . . . ) . . . . . . . . . . . "Don't you have a vase?" This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from . papercut . biz/emailStripper . htm" target="_blank">www . papercut . biz	Cicero (40)
482443	2006-09-03 22:43:00	An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the whiteman for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The chief nodded that it was so. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"	smithie 38 (6684)
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