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| Thread ID: 72448 | 2006-09-13 09:09:00 | Religion problem in marriage | Vampire_Dakola (11131) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 484323 | 2006-09-13 09:09:00 | Hi, I am not sure where should i start with this question, hopefully someone will have some good suggesiton! my fiance and I are planning to get married by the end of the year but recently I am quite confused by myself. He is a very religious person, we actually have same religion background but I am a kind of person who are not keen on going to church like him. We have a couple of arguements about this, he always uses Gospel word to persuade me, and discusses our argument with his friends in the church, then they start to text me, call me and tell me how "God" loves me and how sad he is because I don't like joining the church! I don't know how to refuse, because they are not "bad", somehow they are "nice" person. But personally I don't like that, I have tried to tell my fiance it's the thing between me and him, but not among me, him and his church, but I don't think he really understands... I do like him, I used to have a crazy love with lots of outside troubles, even was attacked by some crazy girls, it ended up with depression problem. My fiance helped me at that time, let me finding back myself and staying away with those troubles. We are doing well besides the church problem. Sometimes I don't want to disappoint him, but on the other hand, I feel I am really sick of those kind of things, especially his church friends keep telling me should join them. I do have same religion background with him, but we just have different thinking...I am so confused because I don't know what should I do...we are actually planning to get married, I can see this is a problem between us... hope can get some advise here! Many thanks!:thumbs: | Vampire_Dakola (11131) | ||
| 484324 | 2006-09-13 09:26:00 | Does your fiance and you belong to this Church... Central Auckland Church of Christ lead by Rob Ferry or some other Church see www.cultwatch.com for info on the first church. Sounds like the Church has control over your fiance and you. Read the rest of the Cultwatch website which may help you. |
wmoore (6009) | ||
| 484325 | 2006-09-13 09:37:00 | What ever you do you must have this matter sorted before you get married. It is an issue that wont go away. If it was some sort of issue other than religion I would suggest some sort of compromise like attending church once a month or so might work, but your fiancé has such firmly held views I believe he would be at you all the time to go more frequently, despite your efforts to meet him half way. Frankly in my opinion your fiancé wont ever give you space on this issue and you just may have to walk away from him, if you want to retain you own beliefs and to stay true to yourself. | tutaenui (1724) | ||
| 484326 | 2006-09-13 10:19:00 | I think your login name implies you would not be happy at any church gathering!! | Neil McC (178) | ||
| 484327 | 2006-09-13 10:23:00 | Strong christians usually belong to some cell groups as well. They are very close friends who come together to study God's words and encourage each other. Of course they have fun too just like any one else. I do agree that some christians do come on others like yourself too strongly which make people hesitate accepting the religion. I believe he wants you to share the same faith as him and joined his circle of friends as well. Perhaps you both should discuss your feelings on this subject sincerely and see how you can take it from there. I dislike those that pressure others to accept christianity. But if you can see the goodness in him and what religion has done to him, I really hope you can join him as well. Bear in mind that no one is perfect, even christians. May God bless you both. | Fredtan (9581) | ||
| 484328 | 2006-09-13 10:44:00 | You cannot argue with religious types. You either go along with what they want or you have to go your own way. How do you feel about marrying someone who will make your decisions for you? Thats what its all about in the end. |
pctek (84) | ||
| 484329 | 2006-09-13 11:43:00 | Differences over religion are probably the greatest division you can have. It is virtually impossible to argue with blind faith and if you marry this man you will be hounded by his "christian" friends until you surrender. The true test of his love is not that he wants you to join with him in his beliefs, it is that he will allow you to have your own beliefs and practice them as you wish to, while loving you all the more for being your own person. Love is not love when it alteration finds. Love is not love when you take not give Love is not love when you're keeping score Love is not love where resentment lives Love is not love, is not love, is not love, no, it's not love Your true love is still waiting to find you. This man is not the one. You will not disappoint him, he will disappoint you, beyond all measure that you could ever conceive. Take a deep breath and ask him what matters most to him, your love and life together, or his church and his friends. Billy |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 484330 | 2006-09-13 11:51:00 | How do you feel about marrying someone whose church will make your decisions for you? You will always be second in his life, his church will be first. I got involved in an extreme religious group for many years. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Getting out was the best decision I ever made, but it was a very hard thing to do and carried a huge human cost. The best advice I can give is don't get involved in the first place. Find yourself a nice athiest, you'll be much better off |
Mackin_NZ (6958) | ||
| 484331 | 2006-09-13 12:23:00 | Okay, apologies in advance if I seem blunt . . . You have managed to hook yourself up with a religious guy and his bible-thumping buddies- while I applaud their devotion to a cause, their persistance and refusal to take 'no' for an answer would drive me mad . I however, have the luxury of not knowing them . They not only know you, they know where you live and they have your phone number . Short of the opposite of an epiphany, your fiance will always be very religious, and probably places the church above you right now . He and his friends are trying to change you, inferring that you as you are now are not good enough (I know they are 'trying to help' in their own minds, but it still means that they think you need help) . So, you are going to devote yourself- for the rest of your life- to someone who does not see you as the most important thing in his life, and neither he nor his friends find you 'acceptable' as you are now, since you are not religious enough . Sure, you could give in, try the very religious thing to be more like them (if only so that they will stop hassling you), but if you are not doing that now, you won't be happy when you give in and change, and the fact you gave in will annoy you . You could be firm and tell them that you are not interested, but this may only make them try harder, thinking they have a real job on their hands . I don't know how this would go down with your fiance or his friends (I note you say *his* friends- what do yours say about this? What about your family?) . You really have to ask yourself whether you want to be married to this man, and his friends, and the church . But then this is your decision . I would run for the hills . For what it is worth I feel sad that you are in a position where you have to make this decision, but you also have to ask yourself whether a man who loves you would really put you in this kind of position in the first place . I wish you well in your decision . |
Sick Puppy (6959) | ||
| 484332 | 2006-09-13 12:30:00 | Hi Vampire_Dakola Your fiance and his mates hear voices in their heads from "God", "God" is telling them he wants you to join the church. They sound like total fruit loops/skitzos to me, stay well clear. |
Rob99 (151) | ||
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