Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 72570	2006-09-17 23:00:00	Monday Laughs: Golf......a long walk punctuated by disappointments........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
485355	2006-09-17 23:00:00	Every Saturday morning for three years, a foursome teed off at their local country club . One of the players was remarkable . For a couple of weeks, he'd play left-handed, and then the next week, he'd play with the right, with no loss in skill . However, he had one annoying fault: every couple of months or so, he would be twenty minutes late to tee off . One morning, after this husband had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said, "I can't stand it any longer! What's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?" "Well, I'll tell ya," the man said . "Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife . If she's sleeping on her right side, I tee off right-handed . If she's on her left side, I play left-handed . " "Ah! But what if she's on her back?" "That's when I'm twenty minutes late!" *********************************************** 1 . Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture . " 2 . Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf . " 3 . Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game . Just ask my ex-wives . Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work . " 4 . Unknown . "Golf is not a game, it's bondage . It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins . " 5 . Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball . I did it in one afternoon on the golf course . " 6 . Lee Trevino: "Columbus went around the world in 1492 . That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course . " 7 . Lee Trevino: "I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced . " 8 . Sam Snead: "These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow . " 9 . Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five . " 10 . Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players: "They throw their clubs backwards and sideways, and that's wrong . You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it . " 11 . Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet . " 12 . Jimmy Demarest: "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at . " 13 . Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball . " 14 . Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron . Not even God can hit a 1-iron . " Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
485356	2006-09-18 01:55:00	Do you know how many members of the Tate family belong to your church? 1. There is old man Dic-Tate who wants to run everything. 2. Uncle Ro-Tate tries to change everything. 3. Old lady Agi-Tate who stirs up plenty of trouble, 4. With help from her husband, Irri-Tate. 5. Whenever new projects are suggested, Hesi-Tate and 6. His wife, Vege-Tate, want to wait until next year. 7. Aunt Imi-Tate, who wants our church to be like all the others. 8. Devas-Tate provides the voice of doom. 9. Poten-Tate wants to be a big shot. But not all members of the family are bad. 10.Brother Facili-Tate is quite helpful in church matters. 1 1. Sister Felici-Tate is a delightful, happy member of the family 1 2. Cousin Cogi-Tate and 1 3. Cousin Medi-Tate always think things over and lend helpful, steady hands. And of course there is the black sheep of the family: 14. Ampu-Tate, has completely cut himself off from the church. Do you know anyone in the "Tate" family?	smithie 38 (6684)
485357	2006-09-18 02:05:00	A little bit rude . . . Chicken Wire A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm . His neighbour sees him and asks what he has . The guy replies, "Its chicken wire and I'm going to catch some chickens . " His neighbour says, "You fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire . " Later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 chickens . The next day he sees him walking down the street with some duct tape under his arm . Once again he asks what the guy is up to . The guy says he has some duct tape and he is going to catch some ducks . He replies, "You fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape . " Sure enough later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 ducks behind him . The next day, he sees the guy walking with something else under his arm . He asks what it is . The guy replies, "Its pussy willow . " He says, "Hold on, let me get my hat . "	johcar (6283)
485358	2006-09-18 06:22:00	Billy Connolly on Retirement. What do retired people do all day? Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a f***** break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a s---head.. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age..........	Scouse (83)
485359	2006-09-18 09:55:00	Billy Connolly on Retirement. What do retired people do all day?....Hilarious! :lol: :thumbs:	Greg (193)
485360	2006-09-20 06:40:00	11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to designate a person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and she was used to always making sacrifices, with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.	Cicero (40)
485361	2006-09-20 07:44:00	Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration: 1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name? wait for it? is www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company ? www.powergenitalia.com 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com 9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com 10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com	Cicero (40)
485362	2006-09-20 09:14:00	lolol	Cornot (10386)
485363	2006-09-20 09:51:00	Are You More Male -or- Female???????? To find the Answer, look down. | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V | V Not here, Stupid. Just look DOWN! From: forum.grid.org Cheers :)	Renmoo (66)
485364	2006-09-20 10:13:00	Not here, Stupid. Just look DOWN! You surf the internet without any pants on?	Greven (91)
1 2