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| Thread ID: 73531 | 2006-10-24 03:32:00 | Monday Laughs: Forgot that Monday wasn't Sunday, but remembered today was Tuesday! | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 493524 | 2006-10-24 03:32:00 | So I forgot to post Monday laughs . :( After that strikingly blonde moment, I realised what sort of jokes were required . . . . . . . . . . . . One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast . They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today . You must park your car on the even- numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through . " Norman's wife goes out and moves her car . A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today . You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through . " Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again . . The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today . You must park . . . " Then the power goes out . Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do . Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says . . . "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time darling?" The Blonde's Diary Dear Diary, Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week, I got a call from the contractor who installed them . He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them . Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid . So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, . . . . . namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him . ) There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up . . . . He didn't call back . Guess I won that stupid argument . Cheers Billy 8-{) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 493525 | 2006-10-24 06:58:00 | Billy - might have been difficult posting yesterday even if you had remembered - with the PF1 outage :) Anyway - on with the serious (?) stuff: A Dilemma (!!!!!????) Here's a question for you. It's an imaginary situation, but it's fun to decide what you would do. The situation: There is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and infrastructure destroyed. You are a photographer out getting still photos for a news service, travelling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. Suddenly, you stumble across a New Zealand Airforce helicopter crash. It's Helen Clark and she's struggling to keep from being swept away in a raging river and you have the choice of rescuing her or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph of the death of a Prime Minister. (Scroll down) The Question is: What shutter speed would you use? |
johcar (6283) | ||
| 493526 | 2006-10-24 07:04:00 | I'd rescue Helen Clark. | pctek (84) | ||
| 493527 | 2006-10-24 07:06:00 | I'd rescue Helen Clark.A very sick puppy!!! | johcar (6283) | ||
| 493528 | 2006-10-24 07:14:00 | yes , but would you give her mouth to mouth if she needed it? | netchicken (4843) | ||
| 493529 | 2006-10-24 07:22:00 | Nah, you'd rescue her for $800k plus interest :D (and yes, I'm a national voter) |
Erayd (23) | ||
| 493530 | 2006-10-24 07:26:00 | An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to ask me?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually cold and chilly." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that crazy old son of a *****!" she replied, "That's because the first time is usually in December and the second time is usually in July!" |
smithie 38 (6684) | ||
| 493531 | 2006-10-25 01:26:00 | JOB DESCRIPTIONS - COMPETITIVE SALARY - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors . JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM - We have no time to train you . CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings . MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day . SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time each weekend . DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around . MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control . CAREER-MINDED - Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way) . APPLY IN PERSON - If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled . NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality . SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE - You'll need it to replace three people who just left . PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos . REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect . GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it . ;) |
smithie 38 (6684) | ||
| 493532 | 2006-10-25 03:02:00 | An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to ask me?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually cold and chilly." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that crazy old son of a *****!" she replied, "That's because the first time is usually in December and the second time is usually in July!" This doesn't play well North of the Equator guys! |
SurferJoe46 (51) | ||
| 493533 | 2006-10-25 04:03:00 | *Sigh*... No one cares. | roddy_boy (4115) | ||
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