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Thread ID: 73759	2006-10-30 19:37:00	Monday Laughs: The Forum is working again! This one's for the engineers.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
495307	2006-10-30 19:37:00	The Engineers Dictionary: What they say and what they actually mean by it! Due to engineering difficulties (in terms of accessible post placement), this feature could not be implemented until Tuesday, however it retains its original working title of Monday Laughs as insufficient development time was available to develop, test and apply the protocols necessary for a change to Tuesday Laughs . 1] Major Technological Breakthrough: Back to the drawing board . 2] Developed after years of intensive research: It was discovered by accident . 3] The designs are well within allowable limits: We just made it, stretching a point or two . 4] Test results were extremely gratifying: It works, and boy are we surprised! 5] Customer satisfaction is believed assured: We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all . 6] Close project coordination: Let's spread the responsibility for this . 7] Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties: We are working on something else . 8] The design will be finalized in the next reporting period: We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something . 9] A number of different approaches are being tried: We don't know where we're going, but we're moving . 10] Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem: We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while . 11] Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch . 12] The entire concept will have to be abandoned: The only guy who understood the thing quit . 13] Modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties: We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch . 14] Essentially complete: Half done . 15] We predict . . . : We hope to God! 16] Drawing release is lagging: Not a single drawing exists . 17] Risk is high, but acceptable: 100 to 1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and 10 times the manpower, we may have a 50/50 chance . 18] Serious, but not insurmountable problems: It will take a miracle, God should be the project manager . 19] Not well defined: Nobody has thought about it . 20] Requires further analysis and management attention: Totally out of control . 21] The project is designed for high availability: Malfunctions will be blamed on the operators' mistakes . 22] This project has low maintenance requirements: We wouldn't let those technicians change a light bulb, much less fool around with our baby . 23] The software is being developed without excessive process overhead: The documentation will be written in clear and lucid Chinese . 24] Delivery is now scheduled for the last quarter of next year: This leaves us plenty of time to decide who to blame for it being late . Cheers Billy 8-{) ;)	Billy T (70)
495308	2006-10-30 20:29:00	A Scottish man was at a baseball game . It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly . The first batter approached the mound, he took a few swings and then hit a double . Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run, Run," This happened two more times, with a single and a triple . The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game . The next batter came up and four balls went by . The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first . The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye b****d, rrrun!" Everyone around him started laughing . So the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down . A friendly fan, seeing the Scotsman's embarrassment, leaned over and said, "He can't run - he got four balls . " The Scotsman then stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man . . . walk with pride!"	smithie 38 (6684)
495309	2006-10-31 00:39:00	One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, The Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night. Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you, you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."	pctek (84)
495310	2006-10-31 04:58:00	"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend"	Agent_24 (57)
495311	2006-10-31 05:12:00	One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, The Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night. Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you, you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack." That joke works a lot better with George Bush instead of Bill Gates - it is generally accepted that Bill Gates is a very smart businessman, and knows it. It is also generally accepted that George Bush is an idiot, and doesn't know it.	Greven (91)
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