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Thread ID: 75377	2006-12-27 01:15:00	Sort-of belated Monday Laughs: Police	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
509861	2006-12-27 01:15:00	A Few Things the Police Would Like You to Know: Dear Civilian, Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid is NOT a police matter; talk to the other kid's parents, not the police . If your kid won't do his homework or mow your lawns, 111 is not the answer . If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended . When is the last time you got 3 days off (without pay) for rear-ending a guy at K-Mart? We know you've had more than two beers . When I've had two beers, I didn't hit six parked cars, drive my car through the front doors of a supermarket, piss my pants or pass out at a traffic light . When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on, pull to the Left, and stop . We are usually required to pass cars on the Right . When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you, don't go 10 KPH under the speed limit . We are not impressed by how safe a driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the monster SUV that just cut you off) . Safely move over and let us pass please . If we park our patrol car across the road with lights flashing, don't stop and ask if the road is closed or if there is an accident, just take an alternative route and DON'T TRY TO DRIVE AROUND US! If you get a warning instead of a ticket from a motorcycle cop, go buy a lottery ticket, because you've already beaten the odds . When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, or interviewing a suspect at the side of the road, it is generally not a good idea to approach him and ask for directions . If you do, don't expect the officer to be nice when he tells you to get lost, and don't expect the officer to take the time to explain . Here's a sure-fire way to get out of a ticket: Don't break the law . If you drive a piece of crap, that is why you're getting pulled over . In one week I pulled over 10 cars for minor traffic violations . 5 out of 10 had no warrant of fitness, 3 out of 10 had suspended driver's licenses, 2 out of 10 had no license at all . 1 out of 10 had court warrants . 1 was a known sex offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mother's knowledge . If you've just been pulled over doing 90 in a 50 K zone, do not greet me with "What seems to be the problem, officer?" We get coffee breaks too . When you're the victim of a burglary, take the time you spend waiting for the police to find the model number and the serial number of the stuff that was taken . Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don't like them either . If it's night time and you're driving a vehicle with tinted windows and I pull you over, it's not because of your skin colour . I usually can't tell if the vehicle even has a driver until the windows' rolled down . Any time you hear on the news about people running away from a crazed gunman who is high on P, someone's son or daughter in a police uniform is running TOWARD that crazed P-affected gunman . Yes, it's true, cops usually don't give other cops tickets . Think of it as an employee discount, perk or benefit . Other cops are family and you wouldn't give your brother a ticket if you were a cop either . Yes, the Police have helicopters, and everyone knows they are loud and annoying, but did you know it can cover the same area as 20 officers in patrol cars, and safely chase dangerous criminals that are driving 100+ Kph through city streets . Many times the guy has no idea it's there and slows down . Then we catch him . Police work is . . . . Writing reports . If you rob a petrol station you're only going to get about $100, but I get to see a Police dog use your arm as a chew toy . For all I care you can keep the $100 . In one year of patrol work in a large city, only about ten minutes would be cool enough to be on a Police television show . Every traffic stop could end in violence (or worse), but we have to be polite and professional until that time . I've taken about the same amount of men and women into custody for domestic violence, so NO, it's not always the man . If the light was orange, we wouldn't be having this conversation . Yeah, we make mistakes, so do airline pilots and they can wipe out whole families . Are you 100% perfect in your job? Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries . Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me . Enjoy! Police Officers . . . Our job is to protect your sorry ass, not kiss it! Thank You, The Police Cheers Billy *<8-{)=	Billy T (70)
509862	2006-12-27 01:48:00	Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: How yours look like? 2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours? 1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!! ********** Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend to death. Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends". ********** Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother" Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER" ********** What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress ********** Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? "Without Information Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means , "With Idiot For Ever !!!" ********** Three Feelings: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant. ********** Teacher: u know the importance of period? Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away. ********** Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs??? No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints. ********** Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential! ********** Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex. Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know. Mother Faints... ********** Copied from www.usj.com.my Cheers :)	Renmoo (66)
509863	2006-12-27 07:06:00	A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg do he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man thinks this is terrible because they emphasized his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he received another parcel. Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. The man is extremely furious now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your a**e and go as a toffee apple.	smithie 38 (6684)
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