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Thread ID: 75919 2007-01-14 19:33:00 Monday Laughs: Time for some philosophy.............. Billy T (70) PC World Chat
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515880 2007-01-14 19:33:00 The Farmer's Mouse Trap


One day a mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package . What food might this contain?" the mouse wondered, then he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap .

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning . "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr . Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me . I cannot be bothered by it . "

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathised, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr . Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray . Be assured, you are in my prayers . "

The mouse turned to the cow and said . "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr . Mouse . I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose . "

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone .

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house like the sound of mousetrap catching its prey, and the farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught . In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught . The snake bit the farmer's wife . The farmer rushed her to the hospital, but there was little that they could do and she returned home with a bad fever .

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient .

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with the farmer around the clock . To feed them, the farmer Butchered the pig .

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died . So many people came for her funeral the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them .

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness .

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember: --We are all involved in this journey called life, and when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk .

Stand by your friends, our lives are woven together for a reason .




Cheers

Billy 8-{) 		Billy T (70)
515881 2007-01-14 20:27:00 To true Billy . Heres mine this week -

New Employee Handbook

SICKDAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness . If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work .

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned . As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs . You should not consider removing anything . We hired you intact . To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment .

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year . They are called Saturday & Sunday .

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year . The vacation days are as follows: Jan . 1 & Dec . 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work . There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers . Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements . In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon . We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough .

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse . However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement .

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom . In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order . For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on . If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again . In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker . Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange . In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls . At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open .

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain thee average figure . Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill .

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing expensive shoes & carrying a pricey bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise .

Thank you for your loyalty to our company . We are here to provide a positive employment experience . Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere . Have a nice week .

The Management 		smithie 38 (6684)
515882 2007-01-14 21:55:00 RIDING A DEAD HORSE

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

In modern education and government, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Re-classifying the dead horse as "living impaired".
8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed.
10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
13. Re-writing the expected performance requirements for all horses.
14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
15. Upgrading the horse's software. 		johcar (6283)
515883 2007-01-15 06:34:00 I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could
all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice
heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all
the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished,
and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a
bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of
Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest
of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea
how good I feel!

Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace. 		R2x1 (4628)
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