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Thread ID: 78066	2007-04-01 21:53:00	Monday Laughs: Farming: A mixed bag..............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
537490	2007-04-01 21:53:00	Two farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer . Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education . Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes . " Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave . The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets with the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Maths, English, History, and Logic . "Logic?" Jim says . "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example . Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah . " "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard . " "That's true, I do have a yard . " "I'm not done," the dean says . "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house . " "Yes, I do have a house . " "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family . " "Yes, I have a family . " "I'm not done yet . Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife . And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual . " "I am a heterosexual . That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater . " Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar . He tells Bob about his classes, and how he is signed up for Maths, English, History, and Logic . "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example . Do you have a weed eater?" "No . " "Then you're a homosexual . " *********************************************** A farmer has 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks . So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell . The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Ralph . He'll service every chicken you got, no problem . " Well, Ralph the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it . So, he buys Ralph . The farmer takes Ralph home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk . "I want you to pace yourself now . You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money . Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job . So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle . Ralph seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Ralph takes off like a shot . WHAM! Ralph nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked . After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Ralph is in there . Later, the farmer sees Ralph after a flock of geese down by the lake . Once again - WHAMMO! He gets all the geese . By sunset he sees Ralph out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants . The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours . Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Ralph on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air . Vultures are circling overhead . The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Ralph, I told you to pace yourself . I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself . " Ralph opens one eye, nods toward the vultures circling in the sky and says . . . . . . . . "Shhhh! They're getting closer! *********************************************** Horse and Chicken On a farm there was a horse and a chicken who were friends . One day, they were mucking around on the farm in a paddock where there was a big deep hole, which the horse fell into . "Help me" neighed the horse . OK, I'll go get the farmer" clucked the chicken . So off she went to get the farmer but he could not be found . So she went into the barn and got into the farmer's classic Corvette and drove out to the horse, tied a rope to the 'Vette, threw the other end to the horse and pulled him out of the hole . The next day, not having learned their lesson, the horse and the chicken were playing near the hole again . But this time the chicken fell in . "Help me" clucked the chicken, but instead of running to get the farmer's car, the horse lowered his reproductive equipment into the hole and picked up the chicken . Moral of the Story: If you're hung like a horse you don't need a Corvette to pick up chicks . Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
537491	2007-04-01 22:09:00	Lol....love the logic one. :p	qazwsxokmijn (102)
537492	2007-04-01 22:30:00	Hehe, yeah, best joke I have seen in a while!	mejobloggs (264)
537493	2007-04-02 01:48:00	One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behaviour that was going on. So He called one of His angels to go to earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not." God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time, too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good." God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what the e-mail said? No? > > > > > > > > Okay, just wondering. I didn't get one either. :(	smithie 38 (6684)
537494	2007-04-02 01:51:00	A Lent chuckle . On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch . When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent . " In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" :D	smithie 38 (6684)
537495	2007-04-02 03:57:00	Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground... After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.	pctek (84)
537496	2007-04-02 22:26:00	A 14 year old boy comes home from school and his mother asks "did you have a nice day?" "oh yeah" replies the kid, "I had sex with the English teacher." "You what" exclaims the mother, "that's dreadful, you can't be having sex, you are only 14 years old, the teachers have a moral responsibility to their students, this must be illegal, this is really dreadful. You must tell your father immediately". The kid finds his father tinkering in the garage. "Geday Dad" says the kid. "Geday mate, have a good day at school?" asks the father. "Oh, not bad, I had sex with the English teacher" says the kid. The father is really impressed with this. "Congratulations mate, now you are a man, I'm so proud of you, must be in your genes getting an early start, good on ya son." "Mum's not very impressed" says the kid. "Oh, don't worry about your mother" says the dad "she doesn't understand about male urges and all that" says the dad. "Anyway, how was it?" "Oh, not bad" says the kid, "but me bum's a bit sore"	Cicero (40)
537497	2007-04-02 23:33:00	:yuck:	mejobloggs (264)
537498	2007-04-03 00:07:00	:yuck: You will find his dad concurred with you on that one.	Cicero (40)
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