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Thread ID: 78627 2007-04-22 21:44:00 Monday Laughs: ANZAC Special: Three for the price of one.............. Billy T (70) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
543418 2007-04-22 21:44:00 Rangi rings his boss first thing Monday morning .

Rangi: "Boss I can't come to work today"

Boss: "Why not?"

Rangi: "I've got the Bird Flu"

Boss: "How in the hell did you get the Bird flu"

Rangi: "Too many Tui's Boss"


*********************************************

A Fisheries Inspector finds a brown-ish faced man of indeterminate racial origins at the shore of Lake Taupo with ten trout in a bucket . "That's way over the limit, and they are all undersize," he says . "You're under arrest . "

"Hang on a mo bro" says the BFMOIRO, "these are my pet fish from home . I just bring them down here to let them swim free once a week . When I whistle, they all come back and get into the bucket to go home . "

"I don't believe it," says the Inspector . "Show me . "

So, the man promptly dumps the trout back into the lake and gazes after them as they swim away .

After a minute, the Inspector says, "OK, how long?"

"How long what, bro?" says the man .

"How long till you call the fish back?"

"What fish?"

*********************************************

Modern Chinese Proverbs:



Man who run in front of car get tired .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run behind car get exhausted .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who keep hand in pocket feel cocky all day .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with one chopstick go hungry .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails .

* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball wrong: man with four balls cannot walk .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fart in church sit in own pew .


Cheers

Billy 8-{) :) 		Billy T (70)
543419 2007-04-22 21:51:00 Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails .



LOL , I wonder why . . :lol: 		ronyville (10611)
543420 2007-04-22 22:22:00 Helen Clark and her driver were cruising along a country road one
evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was
struck and killed.
Helen told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls
to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of
expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge cigar in the other, and was smiling
happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Helen ?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate
love to me "
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Helen.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm
Helen Clarks's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened
so fast I couldn't stop it." :thumbs: 		smithie 38 (6684)
543421 2007-04-22 23:39:00 Helen Clark and her driver were cruising along a country road one
evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was
struck and killed.
Helen told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls
to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of
expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge cigar in the other, and was smiling
happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Helen ?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate
love to me "
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Helen.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm
Helen Clarks's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened
so fast I couldn't stop it." :thumbs:

Hooray I smiled on Monday!!:D 		rob_on_guitar (4196)
543422 2007-04-23 00:37:00 Rangi rings his boss first thing Monday morning.

Rangi: "Boss I can't come to work today"

Boss: "Why not?"

Rangi: "I've got the Bird Flu"

Boss: "How in the hell did you get the Bird flu"

Rangi: "Too many Tui's Boss"

Hilarious. Even more so as I was drinking with a fellow called Rangi on Saturday :D 		roddy_boy (4115)
543423 2007-04-23 02:45:00 Not sure whether I have posted this before - so apologies if I have....

A Dilemma:

Here's a question for you. It's an imaginary situation, but it's fun to decide what you would do.

The situation: There is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and infrastructure destroyed. You are a photographer out getting still photos for a news service, travelling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes.

Suddenly, you stumble across a New Zealand Airforce helicopter crash. It's Helen Clark and she's struggling to keep from being swept away in a raging river and you have the choice of rescuing her or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph of the death of a Prime Minister.

(Scroll down)















The Question is: What shutter speed would you use? 		johcar (6283)
543424 2007-04-23 04:09:00 Regarding PM's on wheels,
The reason Helen Clarke was prosecution - free for zipping round the country at warp two is quite simple .
The Crown Prosecutor's Office is decorated(?) with pictures of recent Prime Ministers . Looking at he two most recent examples he decided that if "Bat out of Hell" was entirely appropriate for appearance, then use the same standard for pace .

P . S . If either of those two was lingering outside your door, would you be pleased?:yuck: 		R2x1 (4628)
543425 2007-04-23 07:50:00 Helen Clark took a taxi to the beehive one day.
When they got there the Taxi Driver said, "That will be $20.00 thank you Helen"

Helen looks at the Taxi Driver and proceeds to open her legs, and says "how about this"

The Taxi Driver looks down at Helens open legs and says,
"Haven't you got any thing smaller".

~~~

A Tourist says to this Farmer. "Are you going to shear that sheep?"

The Farmer says, "Im not sharing her with any one!"

~~~

Q: What time is bedtime at Michael Jacksons house?

A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

~~~

Gary Glitter says to Michael Jackson: "I'll swap you 2 5s for a 10"

~~~

Q: Whats 12 foot long and smells of urine?

A: Line dancing at the old folks home!

~~~

Q: Why do cop cars have red & blue lights on their roof?

A: So they know which door to get in. 		radium (8645)
543426 2007-04-23 08:49:00 ~~~

Q: What time is bedtime at Michael Jacksons house?

A: When the big hand touches the little hand .

~~~




:lol: :lol: :lol: 		rob_on_guitar (4196)
543427 2007-04-24 06:43:00 Smiley over a fence

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