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Thread ID: 78834	2007-04-30 00:06:00	Monday Laughs: Benefits of Retirement! .............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
545411	2007-04-30 00:06:00	Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after s/he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many retirees to change a light bulb? A. Only one, but it might take all day....except on golf days then the light bulb can wait. Q. What's the biggest gripe of retirees? A. There is not enough time to get everything done. Q. Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? A. The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Q. Among retirees what is considered formal attire? A. Tied shoes. Q. Why do retirees count pennies? A. They are the only ones who have the time. Q. What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? A. NUTS! Q. Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic, or garage? A. They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Q. What do retirees call a long lunch? A. Normal Q. What is the best way to describe retirement? A. The never ending Coffee Break. Q. What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? A. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Q. Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth. Never fear...you will get there some day! ********************************************* A recently retired couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. As they are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The wife nudges her husband and says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same naughty thing we did here forty years ago!" The husband stops the car, his wife backs against the fence, and they make love like never before. Back in the car, the husband says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty years ago -- or any time since that I can remember." His wife replies: "Yes, but forty years ago that damn fence wasn't electrified!" Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
545412	2007-04-30 01:56:00	THE AGING PROCESS By George Carlin Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're 'gonna' be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .......... YOU BECOME 21 ... YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 ...and your dreams are gone. But wait, you MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. My grandmother won't even buy green bananas! It's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one!! And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it (healthily) to 100 and a half!!	johcar (6283)
545413	2007-04-30 05:03:00	THE AGING PROCESS By George Carlin Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. E...no. I've been thinking of myself as my current age all year, and I just reached it last week. Guess I'll have to start thinking of myself as next years age now.	pctek (84)
545414	2007-04-30 05:27:00	A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?" The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models" The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ? The clerk responds, "Yes we do." " Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbbitch offffff?"	smithie 38 (6684)
545415	2007-04-30 05:47:00	E...no. I've been thinking of myself as my current age all year, and I just reached it last week. Guess I'll have to start thinking of myself as next years age now.Don't forget: The definition of middle age is actually "ten years older than you are right now". ;)	johcar (6283)
545416	2007-04-30 08:32:00	A Virgin Hick Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin." The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"	radium (8645)
545417	2007-04-30 08:50:00	Don't forget: The definition of middle age is actually "ten years older than you are right now". ;) I thought it was half the age of how old you are when you drop dead. In which case I could have been well over it ages ago.	pctek (84)
545418	2007-04-30 09:26:00	I thought it was half the age of how old you are when you drop dead. In which case I could have been well over it ages ago.To paraphrase the immortal words of that very well-known and very wise philospher, Ginger Spice: "You're as young as the girl/boy [choose your preference] you feel"	johcar (6283)
545419	2007-04-30 09:33:00	One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room. The first boy leans over and asks, "What are you in for?" "I'm here to get my tonsils out and I'm nervous," the second boy says. The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about! I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream and Jell-O. It's a breeze!" "Well what are you here for?" the second kid asks. "A circumcision." The first kid replys woefully. The second kid says "Wow! I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"	bob_doe_nz (92)
545420	2007-05-01 05:37:00	To paraphrase the immortal words of that very well-known and very wise philospher, Ginger Spice: "You're as young as the girl/boy [choose your preference] you feel" Hmmm....Ginger eh? Aptly named! That may be so for all those pommy perverts, but round here it'll get you thrown in chokey real quick, where the boys will do their best to modify the way you walk, and have you sleeping on your face in no time at all. Cheers Billy 8-{) ;)	Billy T (70)
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