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Thread ID: 79868	2007-06-04 01:39:00	Monday Laughs: Beer with me here, it's been a long weekend.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
555887	2007-06-04 01:39:00	At a world brewing convention, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conferencing . Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In Austrylia, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me an ice-cold Fosters, mate . " Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the U S of A, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all, so gimme a Bud pal . " Hans steps up next: "In Germany ze fatherland ve invented das beer, verdamt . Give me ein Becks dumpkopf, ja, ist der real Kaiser of beers . " Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: "Barman, would ye give me a diet coke with ice and lemon . Tanks 'an all Shamus . " The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces . Eventually Bruce asks: "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?" Paddy replies "Well, if ye pansies ain't drinkin', then neither am I!" ********************************** WARNING: Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer . Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption . The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women . To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a one hour period . It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects: 1) Argued over nothing . 2) Refused to apologise even when quite obviously wrong . 3) Gained weight . 4) Talked excessively without making sense . 5) Became overly emotional . 6) Couldn't drive . 7) Failed to think rationally . 8) Had to sit down while urinating . No further testing was considered necessary . Send this to other male beer lovers to warn them about the risks of drinking too much beer! ********************************** It's Time A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders tow beers . After he finishes both drinks, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to pour another two beers . After he finishes them both, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another two . The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya beers all night long . But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another two . " The customer replies, "I had a few drinks with the guys after work but they all had to leave early . I'm peeking at a photo of my wife, and when she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :waughh:	Billy T (70)
555888	2007-06-04 01:58:00	********************************** WARNING: Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer . Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption . The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women . To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a one hour period . It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects: 1) Argued over nothing . 2) Refused to apologise even when quite obviously wrong . 3) Gained weight . 4) Talked excessively without making sense . 5) Became overly emotional . 6) Couldn't drive . 7) Failed to think rationally . 8) Had to sit down while urinating . No further testing was considered necessary . Send this to other male beer lovers to warn them about the risks of drinking too much beer! ********************************** Cheers Billy 8-{) :waughh: HAHAHAHA! Well done!:lol:	rob_on_guitar (4196)
555889	2007-06-04 03:22:00	A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a period," he replied. "I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a period?" "Darned if I know" he said, "but this morning my sister was missing one. mommy fainted, daddy had a heart attack and the boy next door joined the Navy."	smithie 38 (6684)
555890	2007-06-04 04:55:00	A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand -- to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The Lamaze instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."	Myth (110)
555891	2007-06-04 06:12:00	Beer Drinking Test A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers . He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers . I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back . " The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer . One man even leaves . Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder . "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman . The Texan says "Yup" and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness . Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back . The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement . The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh . . . I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first . " Sea of Beer Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel . While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp . Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously . To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth . This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three . Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals . Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom . Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances . The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted . After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat . "	pctek (84)
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