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Thread ID: 80076	2007-06-10 22:24:00	Monday Laughs: After Beer......Wine & spirits......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
557996	2007-06-10 22:24:00	Wine or Water? In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 2 litres of tap water each day, after 12 months consumption we would have absorbed more than 1 grams of Escherichia coli (E . coli, a bacteria commonly found in faeces . In other words, we are consuming 100 grams of pure Poop . However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting . So remember: Water = Poop Wine = Health Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh*t . There's no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm simply doing this as a humanitarian public service . **************************************** One Monday morning a Mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route . As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway which was unusual because Bob the homeowner usually left for work several hours earlier . His musing was cut short as he saw Bob coming out with a load of empty wine and liquor bottles . "Wow, Bob! It looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the Mailman comments . Bob, in obvious pain, replies: "Actually we had it Saturday night . This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning . We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild . Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I . " The Mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?" "Well" says Bob, "all the guys go in the bedroom, then we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet, and the women try to guess who it is . The Mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that . " "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds . "Your name came up seven times . . . . . . . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
557997	2007-06-11 00:13:00	Dog with a hearing problem My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so took it to a Vet . He found the problem was hair in its ears, when he cleaned both ears the dog could hear fine . The vet then proceeded to tell the owner if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should get some "Nair" hair remover and use it in the dog's ears once a month . The owner thought this was good advice and called at the chemist on the way home . When she went to pay for the "Nair" hair remover the pharmacist remarked, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days . " The woman replied "I'm not using it under my arms . " In an attempt to be more helpful the pharmacist told her "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days . " "I'm not using it on my legs either; and if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer . " "To which the pharmacist said, "In that case Madam, I suggest you stay off your bicycle for a week . " :D	smithie 38 (6684)
557998	2007-06-11 04:38:00	How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1. None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution. 2. Did you try rebooting with extensions off? 3. Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light. 4. Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one. 5. Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method. 6. Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.	Morgenmuffel (187)
557999	2007-06-11 05:33:00	haha Brilliant Nigel that brightened up my gloomy afternoon quite nicely :D	MAC_H8ER (5897)
558000	2007-06-11 06:28:00	A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!" "But I always buy it here," says the blonde "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist. "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant" Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container......... "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."	Myth (110)
558001	2007-06-11 06:33:00	Couldn't resist this, just found it: A normal 50 something, having split from his latest girlfriend,decided to take a vacation . He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank . He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts . After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore . In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island . I landed here when my cruise ship sank . " "Amazing," he said . "You were really lucky to have a rowing boat wash up with you . " "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman . "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island . The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree . " "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman . "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed . I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron . I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware . " The guy is stunned . "Let's row over to my place," she says . After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf . As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat . Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white . While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck . As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much but I call it home . Sit down, please . Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed . "I can't take another drop of coconut juice . " "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman . "I have a still . How would you like a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk . After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable . Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet . " No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom . There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone . Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism . "This woman is amazing," he muses . "What next?" W hen he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias . She beckons for him to sit down next to her . "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months . You've been lonely . There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?" She stares into his eyes . He can't believe what he's hearing . "You mean . . . ", and he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes . . . . . . . "Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports"	Myth (110)
558002	2007-06-11 07:57:00	Computer Crashes worse than Break Ups (geekculture.com)	bob_doe_nz (92)
558003	2007-06-11 08:14:00	How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1. None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution. 2. Did you try rebooting with extensions off? 3. Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light. 4. Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one. 5. Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method. 6. Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon. Thanks so much:D:D	beeswax34 (63)
558004	2007-06-12 11:26:00	7. Winlightguy to infest PC owner forums telling everybody how his lightbulbs never fail but if they do, they autoscrew until the lightbulb self-replicates; and challenging all PC owners to justify their ownership of non-selfscrewing bulbs. 8. Macbulbfan to finally work out what selfscrewing bulbs are all about and have a monumental hissy fit because it reflects badly on his image and ego as a selfscrewing Macman who never needs servicing. There may be more out there somewhere, still getting to grips with their problem............. Cheers Billy 8-{) :stare:	Billy T (70)
558005	2007-06-12 20:14:00	7. Winlightguy to infest PC owner forums telling everybody how his lightbulbs never fail but if they do, they autoscrew until the lightbulb self-replicates; and challenging all PC owners to justify their ownership of non-selfscrewing bulbs. 8. Macbulbfan to finally work out what selfscrewing bulbs are all about and have a monumental hissy fit because it reflects badly on his image and ego as a selfscrewing Macman who never needs servicing. There may be more out there somewhere, still getting to grips with their problem............. Cheers Billy 8-{) :stare:It takes all types I guess... Heck, some people don't even like Metla; honestly can't see why not :p :lol:	Myth (110)
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