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Thread ID: 82226	2007-08-20 04:12:00	Monday Jokes	pctek (84)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
583051	2007-08-20 04:12:00	Wheres the Monday laughs? Everyone is too busy complaining about Xtra? One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"	pctek (84)
583052	2007-08-20 04:18:00	I like it. :) What's wrong with Xtra, I didn't know anyone was complaining about them...?:p	winmacguy (3367)
583053	2007-08-20 05:12:00	Pilots Gripe Sheets After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.	MAC_H8ER (5897)
583054	2007-08-20 05:18:00	Sounds like my brother-in-law's sense of humour (he is an engineer)	winmacguy (3367)
583055	2007-08-20 05:30:00	yeah last week i had a call from a tutor saying her Computer in her classroom was going slow and that "the mouse inside on its wheel must have stopped" - so without missing a beat i said that we have replacement Mice\Wheel Combos in stock and i can replace it if needed. took me a while to convince him that we do not keep live mice in the IT Support Rooms :waughh:	MAC_H8ER (5897)
583056	2007-08-20 05:38:00	LOL:thumbs: :lol:	winmacguy (3367)
583057	2007-08-20 05:39:00	pctek - You should enjoy some of these. This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! ================================= Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one == ============= Customer: can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. =============== Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. =============== Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, an d what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? =============== A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." =============== And last but not least... Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT! :D	smithie 38 (6684)
583058	2007-08-20 06:16:00	Haha these are good ones. And pctek I'm sorry but I have to change your's to a Telecom technician, so much funnier (for me anyway) because it's so true and they do the exact same. Him: "Your internet disconnected 10 times in 12 hours, and although we find the acceptable, the problem is your end, not ours." Me: "Acceptable? My end? Whaa-" Him: "Uhhh, let ... let me ge-t m-y-yy manager." *Shoots finger off* Me: "Nooooooooooooo" *Pours water over computer*	--Wolf-- (128)
583059	2007-08-20 07:25:00	P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Um. And I wonder what airline those pilots missing their training with.	pctek (84)
583060	2007-08-20 08:28:00	From the Navigator What is Gross Ignorance? Answer - 144 Pilots Pilot Why 144? Remember the Rhodesian Crisis Harold Wilson To Chief of Air Staff " Bomb Salisbury" Chief of Air Staff to PM "Salisbury obliterated, here is a list of recommendations for DFCs" Harold Wilson to Chief of Air Staff " Bomb Salisbury Rhodesia" If God had intended the Army to fly the sky would have been coloured Khaki	KenESmith (6287)
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