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Thread ID: 82226	2007-08-20 04:12:00	Monday Jokes	pctek (84)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
583061	2007-08-20 08:33:00	Okay, I see, I go to work early and when I get back the mice have been playing. :D Well, here's your first Rugby World Cup joke, just a few weeks earlier than planned! Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a rugby match at the World Cup in France. At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them. "How are the three of youse goin' to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Aussies. "Watch and learn," answers one of the New Zealanders. They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three New Zealanders cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Billet s'il vous plait." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the New Zealanders on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the New Zealanders don't buy a ticket at all!! "How are youse all gunna travel without a ticket?" says another perplexed Aussie. "Watch and learn," answers a New Zealander. When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and soon after the three New Zealanders cram into another nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the New Zealanders leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Aussies are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "billet s'il vous plait." Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
583062	2007-08-20 09:42:00	Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. They are met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be." The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and *poof* she's gone, The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks? "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes an old newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."	johcar (6283)
583063	2007-08-20 10:39:00	From the Navigator What is Gross Ignorance? Answer - 144 Pilots Pilot Why 144? Remember the Rhodesian Crisis Harold Wilson To Chief of Air Staff " Bomb Salisbury" Chief of Air Staff to PM "Salisbury obliterated, here is a list of recommendations for DFCs" Harold Wilson to Chief of Air Staff " Bomb Salisbury Rhodesia" If God had intended the Army to fly the sky would have been coloured Khaki Say wha?? Could someone explain these please lol?	beeswax34 (63)
583064	2007-08-20 10:42:00	Service Padre Jokes The station padre was asked to give the airmen's wives club a talk about sex. His wife was rather straight laced, and when he was preparing his talk, his wife asked, "what are you doing?" "I am preparing a talk for the wives club" "What about?" "Er, er aerobatics" A couple of days after the padre's talk, his wife ran into the secretary of the Airmen's Wives Club. "How did my husbands talk go?" "Excellent, a very knowledgeable and enlightening talk" "Well that surprises me, he has only been up twice, the first time he was sick, and the second time he nearly fell out" Four Air Force Padres were attending a retreat, and one evening they starting discussing personal weaknesses, and sins. The first padre, confessed to his colleagues "I have a weakness for gambling on horses, every week I take money from the collection, and bet it on the TAB, if I ever won I would repay it all" The group prayed for their colleague to find the strength to overcome his love of gambling. Whereupon the second padre confesses " I have a taste for whiskey, about once a month I will shut myself away with a couple of bottles and drink myself into oblivion" Once again the group pray for their colleague to find the strength to overcome his weakness for the bottle. Then the third padre confesses; " I have a weakness for kinky sex, and about once a week, I visit a brothel to find relief for my urges." Once again the group pray for their colleague to find the strength to overcome his depravity. The three then look at their colleague who is yet to bare his soul, he says, "Yes I too have a problem, I am a compulsive gossip, and I just can't wait to get out of here" The Lake Ellesmere Legend In the early 60s, when I was a young air force officer, training as a Navigator at RNZAF Wigram, we had on our wings course a number of Malaysian Air Force air crew trainees. One of our local flying areas was Lake Ellesmere, and one afternoon after PT one of the Malaysian Officers asked how Lake Ellesmere was formed. "Dug by the unemployed during the depression to create work" I quipped. My fellow kiwi officer trainees joined in the joke embellishing the story, that then began to grow. The southern part of the Port Hills we explained were actually the spoil that was dug out. We related how the SPCA protested about the long hours and hard work that the cart horses put in removing the spoil. The Malaysians were incredulous, why not ask Squadron Leader H. the station education officer, we said. He was hurriedly briefed at the first opportunity and confirmed our story, our Flying Instructors joined in on the joke and added to the story - our Malaysian friends were sold. About a month later, there was an official cocktail party in the Trainee Officers Mess to welcome the Chief of the Malaysian Air Force, Air Commodore Tiab, which we all attended. The Malaysian CAS was accompanied by the RAF Air Attache (Group Captain Warner) and the RNZAF Chief of Air Staff, Air Vice Marshal Ian Morrison (Judy Bailey's dad). In the course of conversation the Malaysian trainees were asked how they were enjoying New Zealand. Pilot Officer Parameswaram then said, he could not understand why in a country with so many beautiful lakes, why so much effort had been put in to make Lake Ellesmere. AVM Morrison asked him to explain, and over some 10 minutes he recounted the Lake Ellesmere Legend to this group of senior officers, while we all stood straight faced, listening respectfully. When Param had finished his account the AVM smiled, and said you have been sold a very good line. As a cooperative group work of verbal fiction running for about a month it has to be a masterpiece.	KenESmith (6287)
583065	2007-08-20 10:45:00	Oh dear 144 is a gross (old imperial measure) There is a Salisbury in England, as well as one in Rhodesia (You may have heard of Salisbury Cathedral - the famous building or the song?) I expect you to work the last one out for yourself. Edit: That was for beeswax, in case anyone's puzzled.	Laura (43)
583066	2007-08-22 10:31:00	Remember the Rhodesian Crisis Harold Wilson To Chief of Air Staff " Bomb Salisbury" Chief of Air Staff to PM "Salisbury obliterated, here is a list of recommendations for DFCs" Harold Wilson to Chief of Air Staff " Bomb Salisbury Rhodesia" If God had intended the Army to fly the sky would have been coloured Khaki On a similar note www.avcanada.ca	joemac (9739)
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