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Thread ID: 84606	2007-11-12 00:14:00	Monday Laughs: No sex please, we're on safari......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
610700	2007-11-12 00:14:00	A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company . One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost . Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch . The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat . Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees . "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard . So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up . The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard . The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says . "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! Moral of this story . . . Don't mess with old farts . . . old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bull**** and brilliance only come with age and experience . *************************************** Two interesting years: Interesting Year 1981 1 . Prince Charles got married 2 Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe 3 . Australia lost the Ashes tournament . 4 . The Pope died Interesting Year 2005 1 . Prince Charles got married 2 Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe 3 . Australia lost the Ashes tournament . 4 . The Pope died Lessons to be learned: The next time Charles gets married: 1 . Someone warn the Pope . 2 . Lay in the Champers for the Ashes victory 3 . Like, we care what Liverpool does? *************************************** Afosi and Pauni are both beggars at several shopping centres . Afiosi drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend . Pauni only brings in 5 to 10 dollars a day . Pauni asks Afiosi how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of $20 notes every day . Afiosi says; Look at your sign, it says, "I have no work, a wife and six children to support . " Kiwis who read that do not feel as if they accomplish anything by giving you money . You will still have no job and a large family . Now look at my sign . So Pauni looks and Afiosi's sign reads, "I only need another $200 to move back to the Islands" Cheers Billy 8-{) :stare:	Billy T (70)
610701	2007-11-12 00:17:00	Excellent Especially the title...	Metla (12)
610702	2007-11-12 00:53:00	Excellent Especially the title... Exactly. Billy T Strikes Back aka Revenge of the BillyT :thumbs::lol:	beeswax34 (63)
610703	2007-11-12 02:14:00	He he he, one I read earlier this morning :D It is a tad long though . . . Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous, Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes . A couple in Cocoa Beach had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing in a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze . It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa . She let out a very loud scream . The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was . She told him there was a snake under the sofa . He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it . About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him in the butt . He thought the snake had bitten him, so he fainted . His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance . The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out . About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher . That's when the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital . The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man . He volunteered to capture the snake . He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch . Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief . But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around . She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her . The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping sees her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches . An ambulance was again called and it was determined that the injury required hospitalization . The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake . She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat . By now the police had arrived . They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred . They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake . They called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife . Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch, One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it . He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa . The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes . The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire . Meanwhile the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing . Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire-truck had started raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street . The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area . Time passed ----------------- Both men were discharged from the hospital, The house was rebuilt, The police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world ------- About a year later they were watching TV and a weatherman announced a cold snap for that night . The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night . She shot him .	The_End_Of_Reality (334)
610704	2007-11-12 02:28:00	Nice one EOR!!!	wratterus (105)
610705	2007-11-12 02:54:00	Nice one EOR!!! Thanks :D I thought it would go nicely with Billys animal there :p	The_End_Of_Reality (334)
610706	2007-11-12 03:21:00	www.youtube.com	rob_on_guitar (4196)
610707	2007-11-12 03:22:00	Thanks :D I thought it would go nicely with Billys animal there :p It sure did. It was truly epic!!! :lol: :p	wratterus (105)
610708	2007-11-14 10:33:00	You've probably heard this one before, but I never fail to get a chuckle from it. :p Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly bad days. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Peter chuckled to himself and began to think he could enjoy this. Once again, he had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death, so he let the second man in too. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm butt naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."	wratterus (105)
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