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Thread ID: 144255	2017-08-28 01:52:00	MONDAY LAUGHS ... August 28	WalOne (4202)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1438604	2017-08-28 01:52:00	Gidday troops . . . it's Monday again . Here we go with another lot to see you through the week :banana :D:D -----xxxxx----- :lol: The people of Dubai do not like to watch cartoons like "The Flintstones" but the people of Abu Dhabi do . :) You hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa . :groan: How about the dyslexic optimist? When life gives him melons, he makes lemonade . :) A man is washing his car with his son when the boy goes 'Dad, can't we use a sponge?' -----xxxxx----- My grandmothers last words before she kicked the bucket were "Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" Edit: To everyone that wants to send me hate PMs you can relax, the bucket is fine . -----xxxxx----- Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time consuming . No, but I tried making a belt out of my old watches . It didn't work . What a waist of time . -----xxxxx----- 8236 I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper . She told me that newspapers are old school . She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad . The fly didn’t stand a chance . -----xxxxx----- I’ve been really depressed lately . A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up . I went today, but not one person would stroke me . -----xxxxx----- Are you two twins? No, why do you ask? Because your mum dressed you both in the same clothes . OK that’s enough, your driver’s license please . -----xxxxx----- One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody . Unless you are in prison . -----xxxxx----- Romantic relationships can actually be represented in algebra . You for example, have definitely at some point looked at your X and asked yourself Y . -----xxxxx----- Dyslexia killed a vampire hunter one sad night when he attacked a vampire with a steak . -----xxxxx----- “But other than that, Mrs Lincoln, did you like the play?” -----xxxxx----- It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey . But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about . -----xxxxx----- Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue . Paddy says “Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too . ” Mick agrees “I’m ordering one right now” Three weeks later Paddy says to Mick, “has your woman turned up yet?” “No” said Mick, “but it shouldn’t be long now though . Her clothes arrived yesterday . ” -----xxxxx----- It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker . -----xxxxx----- I remember this one from years ago, Dad used to have a carbon copy typed out . That's really old . . . but still a goodie … :banana Many years ago, you couldn't count on a public toilet facility when travelling either at home or abroad . This true, short and funny story is about an English woman who was planning a trip of a lifetime to India . She had booked in to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster . She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC . In England, a bathroom is occasionally called a WC which stands for "Water Closet" . This, rather genteel lady, wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring about the WC . The school master who was not very fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC . Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds . They penned the following reply … Dear Madam, I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house . It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds . It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays . As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early . There is, however, plenty of standing room . This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly . It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband . It was a wonderful event . There were 10 people in every seat . It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces . We can take photos in different angle . My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently . It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly . You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it . Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time . 8237 I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment . The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere . The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters . We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed . I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all . With deepest regards, The Schoolmaster . On reading the letter the lady fainted and on her recovery immediately cancelled her visit . -----xxxxx----- Cheers, have a great week :lol:	WalOne (4202)
1438605	2017-08-29 08:05:00	Some good one liners there Abu Dhabi do!	Digby (677)
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