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Thread ID: 85187	2007-12-02 19:37:00	Monday Laughs: Maori Activists declare war on Pakistan......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
617441	2007-12-02 19:37:00	President Musharraf is sitting in his office contemplating the current crisis in Pakistan and drinking tea, when the phone rings...... "Tena koe, would that be President Musharraf?" "Hello, yes, this is President Musharraf speaking, who is this and what do you want?" "Well now Mushy, this is Tame Iti and I am ringing from the Tuhoe Embassy in Taneatua to tell you that we are officially declaring war on Pakistan!" "I see," President Musharraf replied, "this is indeed important news. How big is your Army?" "Well" says Tame, "There is myself, my cousin Rangi, a couple of nephews, my next door neighbour Wiremu, Keith Locke and a couple of greenies and half of the rugby team from Ruatoki. That makes 16 altogether. We have been doing some cool training in the Ngahere out the back of Ruatoki using Osama's handbook and we want to put it to use." Musharraf replies: "I must tell you Tame that I have one million men in my Army just waiting to move on my command." "AUE!!" says Tame, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day Tame rings back: "Mushy, it's me again Bro, the war is still on. We have managed to get hold of some infantry equipment." "And what equipment would that be?" President Musharraf asks. "Well, we've got 2 tractors, 1 bulldozer and the loan of Wiremu's Honda 90." President Musharraf sighs. "I must tell you Tame, that I have 16000 tanks and 14000 armoured carriers, some nuclear capability that George W doesn't know about and I have increased my mobilised troops to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Are you tricking me?" says Tame. "I'll have to get back to you on this one." Sure enough Tame rings the next day. "President Musharraf, the war is still on. We have managed to get ourselves a Naval Arm! We've modified cousin Rangi's outboard with a couple of 12 bore double-barrel shot guns in the front, and 4 Bro's from the Mongrel Mob have joined us too." President Musharraf was silent for a moment, then he replies: "I must tell you Tame that I have 1000 bombers and 2000 fighter planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missiles and since we last spoke I have called up some more reserves and increased my army to 2 million men." "E hoa!" said Tame, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough the next day Tame rings "Morena, President Musharraf, I am sorry to tell you that we have to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that too" said Musharraf, "why the sudden change?" "Well" said Tame, "we had a long korero over a few Waikatos and decided there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners!!" Cheers Billy (8-{)	Billy T (70)
617442	2007-12-02 19:48:00	Hilarious! :lol:	Greg (193)
617443	2007-12-02 19:54:00	Ahahahahahahahahaha just what ya need on a monday morning!:rolleyes:	password (5384)
617444	2007-12-03 05:15:00	:thumbs: Thanks Billy, your gems brighten up the day nicely :D.	Erayd (23)
617445	2007-12-03 19:36:00	A few more from the Christmas sales: I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called Lifeline. They are obviously trying to keep the cost of living down because I spoke to a very nice gentleman at a "call center" in Pakistan. I explained that I was feeling suicidal. He was very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an aeroplane.... **************************** A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realising that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your a**hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "Probably watching football and drinking beer with his mates." **************************** Two women were discussing how they died: Woman 1: I froze to death, it was not bad. After I quit shaking from the cold I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally I died a peaceful death. What about you? Woman 2: I died of massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him watching TV all by himself in the lounge. Woman 1: So what happened? Woman 2: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and down the basement. Then I went throughout every closet and checked under the bed. I kept this up until I had looked just about everywhere, but finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over and died of a massive heart attack. Woman 1: Too bad you didn't look into the freezer first; we would both be still alive. Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
617446	2007-12-03 19:58:00	Haha :lol: awesome billy!	password (5384)
617447	2007-12-05 19:48:00	You're gonna love this one :D An interview with an 80-year-old woman: The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just been married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband"s occupation. "He"s a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn"t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. The old lady paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect back through all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married men with four such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go." Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
617448	2007-12-05 19:54:00	I think it has been said before Billy, but old ladies rock!	John H (8)
617449	2007-12-05 21:57:00	This is a GOOD week. Thanks Billy 8-{)	R2x1 (4628)
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