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| Thread ID: 85354 | 2007-12-07 18:02:00 | For those who like a pun. | Cicero (40) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 618831 | 2007-12-07 18:02:00 | 1 . A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons . The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger . ' 2 . Two fish swim into a concrete wall . One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' 3 . Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft . Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too . 4 . Two hydrogen atoms meet . One says, 'I've lost my Electron . ' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive . ' 5 . Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication . 6 . A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories . After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse . 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off . 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer . ' 7 . A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption . One of them goes to Spain, they name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal . ' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother . Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal . Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal . ' 8 . A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair . He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not . He went back and begged the friars to close . They ignored him . So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close . Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop . Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars . 9 . Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet . He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath . This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis . 10 . And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh . No pun in ten did . Irish BLONDE IN A CASINO A gorgeous, curvaceous blonde from Ireland strolled into a London casino and immediately threw down fifty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice . She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude" . With that, she stripped off her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled: "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed . . . "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed . The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded . Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching . " MORAL OF THE STORY - Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men . |
Cicero (40) | ||
| 618832 | 2007-12-07 18:57:00 | And you claim to be a groan man? | R2x1 (4628) | ||
| 618833 | 2007-12-07 19:39:00 | That's your best post ever. | Richard (739) | ||
| 618834 | 2007-12-07 19:48:00 | Thanks Cicero. As the nun said to the Bishop, "Perhaps we could make a habit of this?" A Mexican fireman and his wife had twins. They called them Hose A and Hose B. As most theatres in Spain have only one door - the main one - the Spanish authorities were becoming worried as to what may happen in a fire, so they ordered all theatres to install fire exits. Their reason? They did not want all their basques in one exit. |
Roscoe (6288) | ||
| 618835 | 2007-12-07 19:52:00 | That's your best post ever. Yes hats off to rx2,he was good this time. |
Cicero (40) | ||
| 618836 | 2007-12-07 20:00:00 | A fellow walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped in nothing but glad wrap. The psychiatrist turns to the fellow and says "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!" | andrew93 (249) | ||
| 618837 | 2007-12-07 20:10:00 | Two young blood cells in a horse were merrily floating along with the flow. They were about to enter a major artery, and realised that it was going far too fast for them. So they changed direction and swam up a side vein, where they promptly perished due to it leading to an excretion organ. Moral of the story? Don't swap streams in mid horse. Sad I know. :groan: |
Greg (193) | ||
| 618838 | 2007-12-07 21:05:00 | If I should be punished for every little pun I shed I would need a puny shed In which to hide my punished head. |
Sweep (90) | ||
| 618839 | 2007-12-08 10:13:00 | A Kiwi couple went on holiday to Egypt. On the outskirts of Cairo they came across a open market of many brightly coloured stalls. On closer inspection they all appeared to be selling the same thing - cake topped with jelly fruit and ice cream. The man turned to his wife and said, " This is a trifle bazaar" | Dally (6292) | ||
| 618840 | 2007-12-08 20:31:00 | :groan: :groan: :groan: Sad to say, I had a little chuckle at this - thanks Dally! |
johcar (6283) | ||
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