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Thread ID: 85440	2007-12-10 09:00:00	Where's the Monday Laughs at?	radium (8645)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
619959	2007-12-10 09:00:00	Where's Billy and his Monday Laughs I wonder? Heres a few I found on the net . Your in a car at a constant speed, on your left is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you, in front of you is a galloping pig the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it . Behind you is a Helicopter flying at ground level also doing the same speed as you, how do you get out of this dangerous situation? Get off the kids merry-go-round you PISS HEAD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Whats worse than letting michael jackson babysit ur kids? Letting the mccans take em on holiday! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Q . whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? A . the taste . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Q:Why was Phillips girlfriends annoyed? A:because she found out Phillips 24 inch was a Tv . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Old couple sat in church . During the service wife whispers, ''I've just done a silent fart, what should l do?'' Hubby says ''Put a ****in battery in your hearing aid!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I used to hate weddings cause every time i was there my aunts used to say . . . . "your next!" They soon stopped that when i started doing the same to them at funerals!!	radium (8645)
619960	2007-12-10 10:15:00	I'll add one...you may have seen it before, but always good for a laugh. Childrens' Science Exam Answers: Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!) A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the Borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one.) A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section' A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.	Marnie (4574)
619961	2007-12-10 10:28:00	Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. :lol: :lol:	rob_on_guitar (4196)
619962	2007-12-10 16:17:00	Since Monday's just begun here . . . these are still fresh: Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand . And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand . No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple . 'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt' . ? Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing . The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes) . There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous . There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious . ' TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard . (All you typists are going to test this out) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear . A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds . A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second . A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes . A snail can sleep for three years . Almonds are a member of the peach family . An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain . Babies are born without kneecaps . They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age . February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon . In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated . Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated . The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing . The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of fuel that it burns . The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket . The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid . There are more chickens than people in the world . Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance . Women blink nearly twice as much as men . Now you know more than you did before!!	SurferJoe46 (51)
619963	2007-12-10 20:28:00	The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of fuel that it burns. Bollocks! At its service speed of 28.5 knots, consumption is 380 tons per day. That is 50 ft per gallon and we won't worry whether it is a US gallon or a real gallon. At six inches per gallon she could only sail 95 miles before refuelling, whereas in reality she can sail two thirds of the way around the world at 20 knots without refuelling I wonder how many more of these "facts" are make believe? Snopes would put paid to many of them I suspect. Cheers Billy 8-{) :stare:	Billy T (70)
619964	2007-12-10 20:58:00	babys have kneecaps, it's just they are cartilidge for the first couple of years before ossifying And as for goldfishs memory, i don't believe it, our goldfish knew that when the lid of their tank was removed it was feeding time and i sure as heck didn't feed them at 3 second intervals, I think mythbusters or braniac disprovved that one too, not that we had goldfis for long they kept dying (perhaps in the 3 seconds they forgot to breathe)	Morgenmuffel (187)
619965	2007-12-10 21:36:00	For a goldfish, when anything happens it is feeding time. I just wish I could update my customers' memory so they forget just after they pay me; instead of the current amnesia just prior to payment. ;)	R2x1 (4628)
619966	2007-12-11 00:21:00	I happen to know that an Emu has a new day every eye blink....they are totally untrainable. I cannot speak for the voracity of the rest of the c/p...but it was fun anyway.	SurferJoe46 (51)
619967	2007-12-11 05:12:00	School 1960 vs . School 2007 Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school . 1960 - Crowd gathers . Mark wins . Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates . 2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark . Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence . They are charged with assault, AVOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it . Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted . Video shown on 6 internet sites . Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students . 1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling . Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again . 2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin . Counselled to death . Becomes a zombie . Tested for ADD . School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability . Drops out of school . Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt . 1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman . 2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse . Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang . Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison . Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist . Psychologist gets a promotion . Scenario: Mark, a college student, brings cigarettes to school . 1960 - Mark shares a smoke with the school principal out on the smoking area . 2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug possession . His car is searched for drugs and weapons . Scenario: Vinh fails high school English . 1960 - Vinh goes to Remedial English, passes and goes to college . 2007 - Vinh's cause is taken up by local human rights group . Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist . Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher . English is banned from core curriculum . Vinh is given his Y10 anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English . Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane paint bottle and blows up an anthill . 1960 - Ants die . 2007 - Security and ASIO are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism . Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again . Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee . His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him . 1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing . 2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job . She faces three years in prison . Johnny undergoes five years of therapy . Becomes gay .	allblack (6574)
619968	2007-12-11 05:31:00	2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. Becomes gay. :thumbs: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbs:	qazwsxokmijn (102)
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