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Thread ID: 85450	2007-12-10 19:58:00	Monday Laughs: Patience is a virtue.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
620043	2007-12-13 23:47:00	They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters . These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals . -------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water . " The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus . " -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale . It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house . Bring your husbands . -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community . Smile at someone who is hard to love . Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you . -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help . -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation . -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir . They need all the help they can get . -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church . So ends a friendship that began in their school days . -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practise . -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones . -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled . Proceeds will be used to cripple children . -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered . -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility . -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow . -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind . They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon . -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church . Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin . -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B . S . is done . -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday . -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door . -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy . -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church . Please use large double door at the side entrance . -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours . " ************************************************** ********************* .	Cicero (40)
620044	2007-12-14 09:35:00	I've changed my mind. I want one of these (dsc.discovery.com) instead. Quote from Boing Boing (www.boingboing.net): "Microwave beam designed to fry electrical system of cars One beam pulsed in a burst lasting just 50 nanoseconds is enough to disrupt a vehicle's electrical system. The radiation can overload wires or damage or upset the car's central microprocessor. [James Tatoian, CEO of Eureka Aerospace] thinks that with the proper funding, Eureka Aerospace can shrink the device in less than two years to a 50-pound appliance that looks like a plasma television and can disable cars from 600 feet away." Once they get it down to production size somewhat smaller than the current prediction, I could mount this on the handlebars of my bike and surreptiously retaliate against idiot drivers when they cut me off, or perform equally stupid/thoughtless life-threatening maneuvers while I'm out exercising!! :D	johcar (6283)
620045	2007-12-14 20:07:00	Perhaps it would be easier to arrange for the "powers that be" to put a bounty on cyclists and announce a zero cyclist policy? With the current rate of success for official practices and pronouncements you can pretty much plan on immortality.	R2x1 (4628)
620046	2007-12-14 20:50:00	Perhaps it would be easier to arrange for the "powers that be" to put a bounty on cyclists and announce a zero cyclist policy? With the current rate of success for official practices and pronouncements you can pretty much plan on immortality. This Is supposed to be the humour page!	Cicero (40)
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