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Thread ID: 86750	2008-01-27 21:21:00	Monday Laughs: Lawyers, and other oddities.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
634502	2008-01-27 21:21:00	Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months . The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food, and each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming . One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow . I can't believe my eyes . There is a girl out there floating in our direction . " The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now . " So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked brunette woman floating face up headed toward their island . The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind . But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked brunette woman, face up, gorgeous body and breasts and totally unconscious . The two lawyers went over to her and discovered, yes, she was alive . One said to the other, "You know, we've been on our own on this island for months now . It's been a long time, so do you think we should, you know . . . screw her?" The other lawyer looked down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what???" ************************** A man died and went to heaven . As he stood in front of St . Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him . He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock . Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move . " "Oh," said the man . He pointed at a clock showing 12 noon and asked: Whose clock is that?" That's Billy Graham's . The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie . " "Incredible," said the man, "And whose clock is that one?" St . Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life . " "Where's Hillary Clinton's clock", asked the man? "Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office, He's using it as a ceiling Fan . " ************************** Keep Dreaming After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary . What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight . " he said . That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife . Delighted, she opened it . . . . . . . . . . to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
634503	2008-01-27 22:10:00	THE REASON WHY I'M ALWAYS SO TIRED For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, and too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of . Now I've found out the real reason why I'm always tired It's because I'm overworked . Here's why: The population of New Zealand is about 4 million . 1 . 4 million are retired, that leaves 2 . 6 million to do the work . There are 0 . 5 million in school, which leaves 2 . 1 million to do the work . Of this there are 1 . 2 million are directly employed by the government, leaving 0 . 9 million to do the work . 0 . 25 million are in the combined armed forces, preoccupied with cleaning their rifles, which leaves 0 . 65 million to do the work . Take from that total the 0 . 35 million people who work for Provincial and city Governments, and that leaves 0 . 3 million to do the work . At any given time, there are 76,000 people in hospitals, leaving 224,000 to do the work . Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons or awaiting sentence and 212,000 on Employment Insurance and Welfare . That leaves just two people to do the work . You and me . And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes . Nice . Real nice . . .	Cicero (40)
634504	2008-01-27 22:35:00	(Similarly) It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days. Boring Lecture Typical academic year for a student: 1. TV Sundays- 52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313. 2. Melting Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263. 3. Sleepy 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE.. Days left 141. 4. Swinging 2 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126. 5. Munchy 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96. 6. Gossip 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days days left 81. 7. Cheater Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46. 8. Presents Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days. 9. Sneezy For sickness - at least 3 days. Remaining days=3. 10. Movie Theater Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left. 11. That 1 day is your birthday. Make A Wish How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!! Balance = 0 "How can a student pass ?????"	Renmoo (66)
634505	2008-01-27 22:47:00	It's just a question of proper diet Jamuz, eat plenty of prunes and you can pass almost anything.	R2x1 (4628)
634506	2008-01-27 23:05:00	If you have got a lawyer up to his neck in sand, what have you got . . . . ? scroll down . . Not enough sand !! :lol: :lol: Misty	Misty (368)
634507	2008-01-27 23:05:00	The True Origin of the Internet In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called Abraham of Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot of Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com'. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, 'Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?' And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, 'How, dear?' And Dot replied, 'I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).' Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete (look it up, it means to hide) himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And lo and behold, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, 'Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.' And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known 'eBay' he said, 'We need a name that reflects what we are.' And Dot replied, 'Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.' 'YAHOO!' said Abraham. And that is how it all began. Al Gore had absolutely nothing to do with it.	smithie 38 (6684)
634508	2008-01-27 23:12:00	A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. It went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene. Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life. Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer -- do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A. Yes sir, we do. Q. And do you have a locker in that room? A. Yes sir, I do. Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? A. Yes sir. Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? A. You see, sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room. :D	smithie 38 (6684)
634509	2008-01-27 23:29:00	That's Billy Graham's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." Where did you find that one?!! Biggest liar out: en.wikipedia.org	pctek (84)
634510	2008-01-27 23:49:00	Graham's Watch, Clock, and Curio Emporium. (No Tick !)	R2x1 (4628)
634511	2008-01-28 00:04:00	Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes? A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes .	pctek (84)
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