Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 86982	2008-02-03 19:36:00	Monday Laughs: Life in the workplace.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
637119	2008-02-03 19:36:00	THE EXPERIMENT Start with a cage containing five monkeys . Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it . Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana . As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water . After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water . Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it . Now, put away the cold water . Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one . The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs . To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him . After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted . Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one . The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked . The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth . Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked . Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey . After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water . Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana . Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And that's how company policy begins . ***************************** One day an employee sends a letter to her Boss asking for an increase in her salary!!! Dear Bo$$ In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately . I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company . I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon . Your$ $incerely, [Marian $mither$] The next day, the employee received this letter of reply: Dear Marian I kNOw you have been working very hard . NOwadays, NOthing much has changed . You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet . NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession . After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad . I have NOthing more to add NOw . You kNOw what I mean . Yours truly, Manager ***************************** A Northern Territory farm hand (An Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager . "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here . I hit a pig with the ute . The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out . " The manager says,"Ok, there's a . 303 rifle behind the seat . Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him . " Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss . Took the . 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars . No problem there, but I still can't go on" . "Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager . "Well boss, it's his motor-bike . The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch . " " . . . You there Boss?" Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
637120	2008-02-03 21:17:00	An explanation of The Mysteries Of Cricket for the poor unfortunates who obviously cannot understand it: You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they're all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you have men still in and not out. When both sides have been in and out and in and out including the not outs, that's the end of the match. How's that?	Roscoe (6288)
637121	2008-02-03 23:04:00	Made my day! I knew something was missing, laughter!	lakewoodlady (103)
637122	2008-02-03 23:21:00	A Northern Territory farm hand (An Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager. "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out." The manager says,"Ok, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him." Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss. Took the .303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on". "Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager. "Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch." "... You there Boss?" Brilliant Billy! :lol: _______________________________________________ A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued….and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.” After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine _______________________________________________ John, a businessman in New York, is fooling around with his Italian assistant. She gets pregnant. He doesn’t want his wife to find out. John says to his assistant,”Go back to Italy. When the baby is born, send me a post card saying spaghetti. I’ll send welfare checks every month.” He buys her a plane ticket. About 9 months later, his wife says,” Honey, you got the strangest postcard today.” he reads it. It says: SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI. TWO WITH MEATBALLS, ONE WITHOUT. SEND MORE SAUCE.	wratterus (105)
637123	2008-02-03 23:49:00	This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little: Once upon a time ~~~~~~~~ in a land far away, ~~~~~~~~ a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess ~~~~~~~~ happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle . ~~~~~~~~ The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me . ~~~~~~~~ One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am ~~~~~~~~ and then, my sweet, we can marry ~~~~~~~~ and set up housekeeping in your castle ~~~~~~~~ with my mother, ~~~~~~~~ where you can prepare my meals, ~~~~~ ~~~ clean my clothes, bear my children, ~~~~~~~~ and forever feel greatful and happy doing so . " ~~~~~~~~ That night, ~~~~~~~~ as the princess dined sumptuously ~~~~~~~~ on lightly sautéed frog legs ~~~~~~~~ seasoned in a white wine ~~~~~~~ and onion cream sauce, ~~~~~~~~ she chuckled and thought to herself: ~~~~~~~~ I don 't ****in think so .	Cicero (40)
637124	2008-02-04 00:33:00	Good one Cissy. And speaking of frogs: A sweet young thing was walking one day when she spotted a frog on the footpath. "Kiss me," said the frog, "and I'll turn into a handsome prince." She picked up the frog and thrust him in her bag. He struggled back up to the top of the bag and called out, "Did you not hear me? I said give me a kiss and I'll turn into a handsome prince." She replied, "Shut up!!" and pushed him back down. Once again he struggled back up. "Did you not hear what I said?" "Shut up and get back in the bag. There's more money in talking frogs than in handsome princes."	Roscoe (6288)
637125	2008-02-04 00:49:00	A Northern Territory farm hand (An Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager . . . . . . . . . . " . . . You there Boss?" Cheers Billy 8-{) Insta-win! :lol: never laughed so hard before	--Wolf-- (128)
637126	2008-02-04 08:00:00	Which reminds me of a true story... Several years ago a neighbour of mine owned two pigs. One was named Hodinni and the other Hodunnit. As usual the little beasts had escaped out of their paddock and into some bush by the drive. The kids were sent into the bush after them and my friend stood on the drive ready to shoo the escape artists back up it towards the paddock once they appeared. Suddenly they appeared and my friend yells out at full volume "THE PIGS ARE HERE!!" Well that is fine and quite normal but... They had a cottage on the property. During the night there had been a break in and the cops were called. As my friend was calling out the news - guess who drove up the drive and heard her?	Mercury (1316)
637127	2008-02-04 08:04:00	And another true story from here in the hills... Another friend kept and bred goats. She also showed them. Now my friend was, shall we say, extremely well endowed. On one memoriable occasion she had taken one of her goats to a show and it escaped in the car park. So off she set running through the car park after it calling its name. The goat's name? Big Tits.	Mercury (1316)
637128	2008-02-07 20:23:00	A late find: You are sitting behind the wheel in a car keeping a constant speed, on your left side there is an abyss . On your right side you have a fire engine and it keeps the same speed as you . In front of you runs a pig, larger than your car . A helicopter is following you, at ground level . Both the helicopter and the pig are keeping the same speed as you . What will you need to do to be able to stop? Answer: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Get out of the car, step down from the merry-go-round and leave your seat to someone younger . The children's merry-go-round in the amusement park is primarily for the younger children .	johcar (6283)
1