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Thread ID: 87156	2008-02-10 21:03:00	Monday Laughs: Important questions for society today.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
639257	2008-02-10 21:03:00	Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? DR . PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realise that she must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before she goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road . What we need to do is help her realise how stupid she's acting by not taking on her 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems . OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why she wants to cross this road so bad . So instead of having the chicken learn from her mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that she can just drive across the road and not live her life like the rest of the chickens GEORGE W . BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road . We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not . The chicken is either against us, or for us . There is no middle ground here . COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road . . . DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did she cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why she crossed I do not know . ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain . Alone . GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road . Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us . JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace . ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road . BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book . Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken . This new platform is much more stable and will never cra . . . #@&&^(C% . . . . reboot . ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken . What is your definition of chicken? L SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens COLONEL SANDERS: Sh*#! Did I miss one? ********************************* Two questions to really think about . Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had Syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one . Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts . Here are the facts about the three candidates . Who would you vote for? Candidate A . Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist . He's had two mistresses . He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day . Candidate B . He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening . Candidate C He is a decorated war hero . He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife . Which of these candidates would be our choice? Decide first . . . no peeking, then scroll down for the response . Candidate A is Franklin D . Roosevelt . Candidate B is Winston Churchill . Candidate C is Adolf Hitler . And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven . Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone . Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading . . And finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: * 29 have been accused of spousal abuse * 7 have been arrested for fraud * 19 have been accused of writing bad checks * 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses * 3 have done time for assault * 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit * 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges * 8 have been arrested for shoplifting * 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits * 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year . . . Can you guess which organisation this is? Give up yet? It's the 535 members of the United States Congress . The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of their fellow Americans in line . I'm not too sure just how much of this is truth and how much is fiction, but I should worry! Empires and Dynasties have been built on less stable foundations, and most governments survive on the same diet . ********************************* Okay, so it's not a question, but what the heck: A man and his wife, now entering their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary . On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish . The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband . Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands . The man wished that his female travel companion be 30 years younger . . . Whoosh . . . immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that feminist fairy! Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
639258	2008-02-10 21:36:00	....... a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: * 29 have been accused of spousal abuse * 7 have been arrested for fraud * 19 have been accused of writing bad checks * 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses * 3 have done time for assault * 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit * 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges * 8 have been arrested for shoplifting * 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits * 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...Sounds typical to me. I'd like to see anyone in this country assemble 500ish fairly capable business types on merit, and not have similar or worse stats. Of course i apologise in advance for any implication that the American congress are capable or selected on merit.	personthingy (1670)
639259	2008-02-11 00:20:00	Larry wakes up with a huge hangover. He half opens his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table, "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? His son replies, "Oh, that! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, 'Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!'"	johcar (6283)
639260	2008-02-11 00:50:00	"He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening. Candidate B is Winston Churchill." Billy T, It might seem a bit pedantic to make a comment on one of the multitude and amusing jokes you entertain us with week after week BUT Winnie would never have consumed a quart of whiskey every evening....... a couple of bottles or more of ten year old Scotch thats a different thing!	bonzo29 (2348)
639261	2008-02-11 01:04:00	Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? * 29 have been accused of spousal abuse * 7 have been arrested for fraud * 19 have been accused of writing bad checks * 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses * 3 have done time for assault * 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit * 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges * 8 have been arrested for shoplifting * 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits * 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year . . . Can you guess which organisation this is? Give up yet? It's the 535 members of the United States Congress . Billy 8-{) :) Well that one can't be true, especially the one about being arrested for drinking in the last year because Members of the Congress have legal immunity to being arrested except for Treason and Felony . Now they could have been arrested for something before they were elected but not within the last year . Its Constitutionally impossible .	beeswax34 (63)
639262	2008-02-11 04:40:00	Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM . He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump." The blond replied, "I did, too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money.	Cicero (40)
639263	2008-02-11 07:02:00	Professionals to be sent to Mars NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T." The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer." (c/p www.worldcommunitygrid.org)	Renmoo (66)
639264	2008-02-11 08:20:00	From the same URL: On a hot summer day, a redneck came into town with his dog. He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck replies, "No way dog's in heat---she's cool cause I got 'ER tied under the shade of the tree." The policeman says, "No! You don't understand-- your dog needs to be bred." "No way," the redneck says, "dog don't need bread, she's not hungry, cause I fed her beef jerky this mornin'." Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!" The redneck looks at him for a moment and says, "Go ahead. I always wanted a police dog!"	Renmoo (66)
639265	2008-02-12 05:59:00	Might be a few people here who can relate to this. www.youtube.com	Safari (3993)
639266	2008-02-12 06:30:00	:lol: Love it :lol: - its worth watching even for the comment about Imacs at approx 6.50, wasn't expecting that :p	wainuitech (129)
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