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Thread ID: 87156	2008-02-10 21:03:00	Monday Laughs: Important questions for society today.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
639277	2008-02-13 04:13:00	I never really post jokes, so this is a first for me: A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?' The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.' The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.' And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball. The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again. The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday. `Father,' replied the son, `I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.' The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.' And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls. The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again. The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday. `Father,' said the son to this, `I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.' The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?' `A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed. `I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls,' said the father, `but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have.' And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls. The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared. `Dear son,' said the father, `I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?' The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. `Please humour me, dear father.' The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again. The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday. `Dearest father,' the son started, `I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls.' One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory. The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home. The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left. The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong. `Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible.' It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country. The next day, the father took his son to the harbour and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there. `Father,' the son said, `You've made me very happy yet again.' That night, the son spent on board the tanker. The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy. A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital. His father visited the young man in hospital. `My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?' Weakly, the son sat up in bed. `Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls.' The father held his son's hand tightly. `Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls.' `Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls.' The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk. `Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls.' The son nodded weakly. The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room. `Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested. The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter. `I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth. `I- I-' Then he died.	--Wolf-- (128)
639278	2008-02-13 05:10:00	Waaaaugh.... you ran out of ink!! :waughh: Ken	kenj (9738)
639279	2008-02-13 05:36:00	That fellow doesn't usually do jokes,so won't read . A Message from John Cleese - British comedian: To the citizens of the United States of America: In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately . Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy) . Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections . Congress and the Senate will be disbanded . A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed . To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary . 1 . Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide . You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it . 2 . The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour . ' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise' . Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels . (look up 'vocabulary') . ------------------------ 3 . Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication . There is no such thing as US English . We will let Microsoft know on your behalf . The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize . ------------------- 4 . July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday . ----------------- 5 . You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists . The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent . Guns should only be handled by adults . If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun . ---------------------- 6 . Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler . A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public . ---------------------- 7 . All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect . At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables . Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour . ------- ------------- 8 . The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon . Get used to it . ------------------- 9 . You will learn to make real chips . Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps . Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar . ------------------- 10 . The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all . Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager . South African beer is al so acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer . They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them . American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion . --------------------- 11 . Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys . Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters . Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater . --------------------- 12 . You will cease playing American football . There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer . Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies) . Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us . --------------------- 13 . Further, you will stop playing baseball . It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2 . 1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable . You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries . -------------------- 14 . You must tell us who killed JFK . It's been driving us mad . ----------------- 15 . An internal revenue agent (i . e . tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776) . --------------- 16 . Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season . God save the Queen .	Cicero (40)
639280	2008-02-13 05:40:00	Hey no need for that, gotta start somewhere, right?	--Wolf-- (128)
639281	2008-02-13 05:56:00	Oh that's evil WolfForest22...	Erayd (23)
639282	2008-02-13 06:14:00	I never really post jokes, so this is a first for me: I sincerely hope you never post another joke here . I mean WTF was that!	beeswax34 (63)
639283	2008-02-13 07:11:00	Lol, sorry, I wouldve felt guilty if I was the only one who wasted my time reading that. haha. No hard feelings right?	--Wolf-- (128)
639284	2008-02-13 07:23:00	As we used to say: 'that one's got whiskers on it'. I first heard it about 35 years ago...	user (1404)
639285	2008-02-13 08:38:00	`Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested. The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter. The son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth "Plentiful of Pink Ping Pong Pushes me Past the Perimeter of the Present" Then he died. There you go, beeswax :p	Renmoo (66)
639286	2008-02-13 11:19:00	Wow. You're worse than Trev.	roddy_boy (4115)
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