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Thread ID: 87950	2008-03-10 00:51:00	Monday (Afternon) Laughs: Time for some insulting put-downs and quotes.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
648101	2008-03-10 00:51:00	If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? - - - Cynthia Heimel The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words the male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples. - - - Valerie Solanos The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth: pickle-jar chin, mainsail ears and a nose like a trigonometry problem. What's more, she had the deep frown and snit wrinkles that come from a lifetime of bad character. - - - P.J. O'Rourke "Holidays in Hell" You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses. - - - Pamela Hansford Johnson Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable soddingrotters, the flaming sods, the sniveling, dribbling, dithering, palsied, pulse-less lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery it's a marvel they can breed. - - - D. H. Lawrence, 1912 ****************** Insults about nationality Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car. - - - Bill Bryson In America, only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is. - - - Geoffrey Cottrell There have been many definitions of hell, but for the English the best definition is that it is the place where the Germans are the police, the Swedish are the comedians, the Italians are the defense force, Frenchmen dig the roads, the Belgians are the pop singers, the Spanish run the railways, the Turks cook the food, the Irish are the waiters, the Greeks run the government, and the common language is Dutch. - - - David Frost and Anthony Jay America America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top. - - - Charlie King Americans always try to do the right thing -- after they've tried everything else. - - - Winston Churchill Americans are possibly the dumbest people on the planet. ...We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don't know about anything that's happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing. - - - Michael Moore Americans can eat garbage, provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup, mustard, chili sauce, Tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, or any other condiment which destroys the original flavor of the dish. - - - Henry Miller America is one long expectoration. - - - Oscar Wilde America knows nothing of food, love, or art. - - - Isadora Duncan I don't see much future for the Americans. Everything about the behavior of the American society reveals that it's half judaised, and the other half is negrified. How can one expect a state like that to hold together? - - - Adolf Hitler In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. - - - Woody Allen It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them. - - - Mark Twain (about America) Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy. - - - Miles Kington Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - - - Oscar Wilde The 100% American is 99% idiot. - - - George Bernard Shaw Their demeanor is invariably morose, sullen, clownish and repulsive. I should think there is not, on the face of the earth, a people so entirely destitute of humor, vivacity, or the capacity for enjoyment. - - - Charles Dickens (about Americans) Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
648102	2008-03-10 01:26:00	Don't be so humble, you're not that great. - Golda Meir	johcar (6283)
648103	2008-03-10 02:18:00	I never forget a face, but in your case i'll make an exception Groucho Marx	Morgenmuffel (187)
648104	2008-03-10 03:34:00	Jeremy Clarksonisms... all penned or spoken by the man himself, "I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen!" "We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly." [About Porsche Cayman S] "There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean!" ..."the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany!" "America: 250 million w*nkers living in a country with no word for w*nker!" [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] "I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather and I'm nursing a semi!" [Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster] "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom." [On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR] "there is a word to describe this car: it begins with "s" and ends with "t" and its not "soot". Hammond:"So its fairly terrible then?" Clarkson:"Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is another league of badness!" "the Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite" "Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you." 'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw' "Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?" "The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertable was Adolf Hitler." [Fed up during the caravaning trip] "You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!" "This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying "Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases."" [On the Mercedes CLs55] "Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss." "I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?" [On cyclists] "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong!" "I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N*zi!" "Britian's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably because they don't have wheel-chair access!" "If we are being honest HIV is a pathetic virus, it can only live in the air for 6seconds and it does what Ebola does to you in 10 days in 10 years!" "Mandela just doesn't deserve his pedestal, I'm mean the blokes a bit dodgy!" [On Mandela's claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy] "Well Mr Mandela why don't you go and ask one of the 12 year old cuban prostitutes which way her parents voted?" "Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!" On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire french air force crashing into a firework factory!" "Now as you can see I lost the battle to have two engines on the back because of three very important reasons. One: weight. This is 600lbs and that's the same as having a whole American sitting on the tailgate..." "I would still buy the DB9 over this, and save myself the pound;60,000. The problem with this car is its gearbox, its just..." Hammond:"THAT bad is it?" Clarkson:"Oh no. Robert Mugabe is bad, this is in a whole different league!" "In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was." "The DB9 has rear seats but no mammal yet created, not even when God was on the LSD trip that gave us the pink flamingo, could fit into them." [Assessing Hammond's crash] Clarkson:"you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. now why didnt you spot that?!" Hammond:"I had a lot on: i was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doining the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!" "Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer." "I dont often agree with the RSPCA as i believe it is an animals duty to be on my plate at supper time." "there are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face" "Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face. " "Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps." "you cant have this car with a diesel, its like saying, i wont go to stringfellows tonight, ill get my mum to give me a lapdance, shes a woman!" "During the break we got complaints that we don't show enough green cars so here's one..." [pointing to a Lamborghini Murcielago in bright green]. Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President. Jeremy said this of the Porsche Cayenne! "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis."	tingle (6539)
648105	2008-03-10 04:03:00	Thanks tingle!! Thats why Top Gear is My Favourite TV Program. :thumbs: :lol: :lol:	wratterus (105)
648106	2008-03-10 20:04:00	The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903) There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress. -Mark Twain What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995) A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -Thomas Jefferson	Cicero (40)
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