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| Thread ID: 145450 | 2017-11-06 21:43:00 | Monday Laughs ... | WalOne (4202) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1441647 | 2017-11-06 21:43:00 | !!! | WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1441648 | 2017-11-06 22:14:00 | Here's one from the Herald today then: www.nzherald.co.nz "....his truck failed to negotiate a slight curve ...." Naughty truck. perhaps people should drive them instead. |
pctek (84) | ||
| 1441649 | 2017-11-06 22:24:00 | Thanks pctek ... I've lost the "Go advanced" function to attach files or insert images etc. Do you or anybody else have the same issues? It seems from reading the tech forum that I'm not the only one. (Clicks on emoticon but nothing happens) :( I got that emoticon by typing colon parenthesis, not by clicking on the link |
WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1441650 | 2017-11-06 22:34:00 | Yes Wal, the Advanced options have gone AWOL | wainuitech (129) | ||
| 1441651 | 2017-11-06 22:38:00 | Let's blame it on the Labour/First/Greens coalition. Probably the feared H2 flexing her muscles once more :) | WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1441652 | 2017-11-06 22:49:00 | Sorry folks, there's a hitch to the ability to dress up the post a little, and inserting links and images . So this weeks Monday Laughs come to you sans tartiness, without clickbait, and other pics for those who only look at the pics . :( ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++ Woody Allen on Sex, Life, and God . . . Bisexuality doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good I don’t believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear To you, I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the loyal opposition Hey, don’t knock masturbation . It’s sex with someone I love If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank There are worse things in life than death . Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? The only thing standing between me and greatness is me ****** What do you call an overweight pumpkin? A plumpkin . ****** What’s an optimistic vampire’s favourite drink> B positive . ****** It's Melbourne Cup, so here's a horse joke . . . An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area . Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy . He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move . Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond . Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing . Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch . The motorist was most appreciative and very curious . He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times . "Well . . . Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!" ****** What do you call a matador who gets trampled? A dor mat . ****** "I hope you didn't take it personally, Father" an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon . " "I did find it rather disconcerting," the priest replied . "It's not a reflection on you," insisted the church goer . "Ralph has been walking in his sleep since childhood . " ****** What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? A $100 note . ****** Your face makes onions cry . If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid . I'm not saying that I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile . Why don't you slip into something a little more comfortable . . . like a coma . I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won . You look like something I'd draw with my left hand . Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory . You're about as useful as a vibrator with no batteries . ****** Two elderly women were out driving in a large car . Both could barely see over the dashboard . As they were cruising along they came to an intersection . The stoplight was red but they just went on through . The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light . " After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though . This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it . She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on . At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?" Cheers, apologies for the temporary (I hope) interruption to the usual service and lack of bells and whistles :( |
WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1441653 | 2017-11-07 00:16:00 | Thanks. Helps lunch go down to have the belly shake a bit. (On other matters:- Bells and whistles are good for waking up people near railroad crossings and little else.) ;) |
R2x1 (4628) | ||
| 1441654 | 2017-11-07 05:16:00 | Update ... Jen is on to the job for us ... see the Press F1 forum PressF1 Web page problems? Thanks Jen |
WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1441655 | 2017-11-07 06:59:00 | Three drunken guys entered a taxi after a heavy night of drinking. Immediately realizing that the men were inebriated, he quickly thought up a plan to get rid of them. He started the engine, turned it off again and said: “We have reached your destination". “Alright pal, here you go,” said the first guy as he gave him the money. The second guy thanked him enthusiastically. The third guy slapped him across the face with brute force. "What was that for?" Yelled the surprised driver, thinking he was caught. "Next time don't go so fast! You nearly killed us!" |
tutaenui (1724) | ||
| 1441656 | 2017-11-07 09:01:00 | Sent from an Aussie friend. Feel free to change names to those of New Zealand as there could possibly be some similarities. Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at Government House. One is from Cabramatta, another is from Marrickville, and the third is from Shell Cove. All three go with an official to examine the fence. The Cabramatta contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900, $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Marrickville contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Shell Cove contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the government official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Shell Cove contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Marrickville to fix the fence." "Done!" Replies the government official. And that, my fellow tax payers, is how a Government Stimulus plan works. |
Marnie (4574) | ||
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