Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 145565	2017-12-04 19:43:00	Monday laughs ... a Doris joke, Deez Nuts, and a tail of two Ruatoria horses	WalOne (4202)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1442962	2017-12-04 19:43:00	Welcome once more, to Monday Laughs 8478 Captured … banned PCWorld Troll secretly enjoying Monday Laughs +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Here’s Bradley Kicking off this week, a composite clip of ITV’s Bradley Walsh losing it Click HERE (www.youtube.com) +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Say that again? Aunty Herald reported last week, “Fire and Emergency said the classroom was well involved in fire on arrival.” I’m sure it was. Did the brigade administer total immersion therapy? +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ :rolleyes: Three men walked in to a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it :) Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Breaking into a house, the burglar shone his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot. "Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses," the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" "The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler, 'Jesus'" +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Mabel went to A&E, complaining of an upset stomach. The doctor asked "What did you have for dinner last night?" "Oysters," she replied. "Were the oysters fresh?" asked the doctor. "How should I know?" asked Mabel. "Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the shells?" Gasped Mabel, "I didn’t know you’re supposed to take off the shells?" +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Did you know that the name of the wife of the Biblical King, Herod, was Doris? True. Picture a State Banquet … “Your Grace, Your Excellencies, My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen … His Most Noble and Gracious Majesty, King Herod … and Doris.” 8479 Queen Doris attending the State Banquet. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Still with royalty … royal wedding fever Flashback … here’s a UK telco’s version of the last Royal Wedding Click HERE (www.youtube.com) +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jewish man, all very pious, met at an interfaith congress and got to talking about the experiences that had lead to their religious devotion. The Christian recounted being on a plane when it ran into a terrible storm over a remote wilderness area. "There was lightning and thunder all around us. The pilot told us to brace for the crash. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to save us. Then for a thousand metres all round us the wind calmed and the rain stopped. We made it to the airport. And since then my faith has never wavered." The Muslim then told of a terrifying incident on his pilgrimage to Mecca. "A tremendous sandstorm came up out of nowhere, and within minutes my camel and I were almost buried. Sure I was going to die, I prostrated myself toward Mecca and prayed to Allah to deliver me. And suddenly, for a thousand metres all around me, the swirling dust settled and I was able to make my way safely across the desert. Since then I have been the most devout of believers." Nodding respectfully, the Jewish man then told his story. "One Sabbath I was walking back from the temple when I saw a huge sack of money just lying there at the edge of the road. It had clearly been abandoned, and I felt it was mine to take home. But obviously this would have been a violation of the Sabbath.” “So I dropped to my knees and prayed to Yahweh. And suddenly, for a thousand metres all round me, it was Tuesday!" +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ 8480 :confused: How do you tell the difference between Donald Trump and a pumpkin? They’re both wrinkled, orange and inexplicably popular … but the pumpkin has a thick skin. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Only in the US department Q In 2016, the third party US presidential candidate had what name? A Doz Balls B Deez Nuts C Dem Plums A B … Deez Nuts Really. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ The woman applying for a job as a picker in a Hawkes Bay citrus orchard seemed way too qualified for the job. “Look Miss," said the orchardist, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times." +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ 8481 A Ruatoria Horse gives a horse laugh whilst reading Monday Laughs Horsey tale Hori from Ruatoria walks into the Hicks Bay bar very down on himself. The bartender asks, "what's the matter?" Hori replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods." The bartender, feeling sorry for Hori, tries to think of something he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?" Hori stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it." A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks. Hori sobs "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back." Hori stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later he is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!" The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" Hori cannot believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar. The next day he comes running back into the bar as if he had just won Lotto. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!" +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Enough already! Until next week, have a good one. Don’t forget if you come across one (or more) jokes that we haven’t heard, feel to add them to the thread. :banana :):)	WalOne (4202)
1442963	2017-12-04 20:22:00	Missing Golfball A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet game of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.” I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough there was my wife’s golf ball…..stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake. “What did you do?” asks the doctor. “Well I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, “Hey this looks like yours!”:)	wainuitech (129)
1442964	2017-12-04 23:33:00	When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters ‘PNEIS’ into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered spine are doctors today. The rest of us are sending jokes by email.	R.M. (561)
1442965	2017-12-05 02:57:00	misscellania.blogspot.co.nz With John Candy. 4:22 in length so won't take long	pctek (84)
1442966	2017-12-05 08:36:00	Thanks all for the jokes.	gary67 (56)
1442967	2017-12-08 09:34:00	If you say “Beer Can” with a British accent then you're saying “Bacon” in a Jamaican accent. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<+|+>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 'I' before 'e' except after 'c' has been disproved by science, according to my weird neighbour, Keith Einstein. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<+|+>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< If there's one clown who used to laugh at his own jokes, it's ROFL Harris. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<+|	R2x1 (4628)
1