Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 145538	2017-11-27 06:04:00	Monday laughs ... Donald Trump, Little Johnny (PG) and even a sing-a-long	WalOne (4202)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1442652	2017-11-27 06:04:00	Another Monday, and on the downhill slope to Christmas and 2018. Hope this helps in some way to help cope with the chaos ahead :) :) Notice: prohibited in this blog … 8455 Let's go! Happiness starts with a smile - and is contagious ... CLICK HERE (www.flixxy.com) +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Overheard in the Friars Barber Shop A man walks into the Friars barbershop, sits down in the chair and the barber asks, “How do you want your haircut?” The man says, ” I would like the sideburns one high and one low, a few long hairs sticking out of the back and a few chunks on the side and top.” The barber looks puzzled and says, “I’m not sure I can do that.” The customer says, “Why not, you did it that way last time.” +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ "Hey Grandpa! Can you make a noise like a frog?" "I think I can do that. Why?" "Cause Dad says when you croak, we're going to Disneyworld" +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ You know the sound of two hands clapping … what is the sound of one hand clapping department: 1 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. 2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Do not be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed...Skydiving is not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Daughter: Was it hard to ride a penny farthing? Mum: I'm not sure. Daughter: Well, it either was or it wasn't. How many times did you fall off? +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Click HERE (www.flixxy.com) How to move a refrigerator 101 +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ 8456 From a foreign correspondent … The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Trump and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope slapped him. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Two elderly women die and go to heaven. St. Peter says to them, ”Ladies, I checked the files. You both have led exemplary lives and as a small token of our appreciation, we are going to give you back the body you had at 18 and let you go back to earth and have sex with one person of your choice” The first woman says, “Well, I always did like that Brad Pitt fellow” and whoosh, she’s gone in a puff of smoke. The other woman says “Donald Trump.” St. Peter looks quizzical and asks, “Who is Donald Trump?” The woman says, “I don’t know either, but everyone I’ve ever met says ‘f*** Donald Trump!” +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Then there was the time not so long ago and Trump was visiting South Korea. It was a situation when, on one side of the border, we had a delusional psycho with access to the nuclear weapon, and on the other side of the border was North Korea. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ 2015: "Trump will never win the Republican nomination!" 2016: "Trump will never be elected President!" 2017: "Trump will never start World War III!" 2018: "Get your hands off me, you damned dirty ape!" Try Googling Trump and Troll 8457 +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Still with the 45h President, someone in Auckland had this to say … 8458 Moving from Trump to a very clever parody of “Don’t Cry for me, Argentina” published in a NZ right wing blog … Don’t cry for me, Kiwi voters Sing along … don’t know the music? Poor petal/snowflake! Click here, imagine you're in the shower ... and let her rip! (www.youtube.com) It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange When I try to explain how I feel That I still need your love after all that I’ve done You won’t believe me, all you will see is a girl you once knew Although she’s now on the world stage Still has only two pairs of shoe I had to let it happen, I had to change Couldn’t stay all my life down at heel Wrapping fish and chips, staying out of the sun So I chose socialism, running around trying everything new But nothing succeeded at all I never expected it to Don’t cry for me, Kiwi voters The truth is, it’s not about you All through my wild days My mad campaign time I made my promises, don’t expect I’ll keep them And as for fortune, and as for fame I told Andrew to keep his job Though it seemed to the world it was all I desired My team lets me down, they’re not the solutions they promised to be The answer was here all the time A country, well run by John Key Don’t cry for me, Kiwi voters Don’t cry for me, Kiwi voters The truth is, the Labour Party All through campaign days Our slogans spouting We made wild promises, don’t expect fulfilment Have I said too much? There’s so much more I can think of to say to you. But all you have to do is look at me to wonder if any word is true. With sincere thanks, and humble apologies, to Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Senior Wit & Wisdom Department 8459 • I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. • Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. • You know that "thingy" little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body. • I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim" I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. • Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation. • The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." • I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise. • Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper. • 9 If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have placed them on my knees. • Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? • Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. • At my age, "getting lucky" means walking into a room and actually remembering what I came in there for. • I am what is called a "seenager" (senior teenager). I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad, I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. I have an ID that gets me into bars and the whiskey store. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. • Life is great. I have more friends whom I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Some quotes from Robin Williams :) You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence. :rolleyes: Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. :cool: The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery. ;) As beatific as Gandhi was, I’m sure there was some guy in a Mumbai bar going, “I knew Gandhi … he was a prick”. +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Rowan Atkinson … Father of the Bride Click HERE (www.youtube.com) +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Little Johnny, caution adult humour Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!" +++++<<<<<>>>>>+++++ Enough already! Until next week, take care :banana :D:D	WalOne (4202)
1442653	2017-11-27 06:10:00	Thanks	gary67 (56)
1442654	2017-11-27 07:34:00	If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas .. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.." --Al Gore, Vice President ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ." -- Dan Quayle ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Feeling smarter yet? Send it on to your brilliant friends. I just did !!	R.M. (561)
1442655	2017-11-27 07:35:00	Just testing - it worked!	R.M. (561)
1442656	2017-11-27 07:39:00	Just testing - it worked! And it was a good test, too RM! All contributions gratefully received :banana	WalOne (4202)
1442657	2017-11-29 23:33:00	Here's a really funny take, on how to reply to direct marketers / SPAM email .... Click HERE (www.ted.com o_spam_email) Some great ideas here! :banana :):)	WalOne (4202)
1442658	2017-12-01 01:52:00	had to add this one	pctek (84)
1442659	2017-12-01 09:52:00	8471 Let's see OSH argue with this (except for the lack of orange).	R2x1 (4628)
1442660	2017-12-03 00:53:00	Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society. John Adams >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<+|+>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< The happiness of society is the end of government. John Adams >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<+|+>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Always stand on principle ... even if you stand alone. John Adams >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<+|+>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<	R2x1 (4628)
1