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| Thread ID: 89789 | 2008-05-12 05:54:00 | Monday Laughs - Where are you Billy T? | Roscoe (6288) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 668507 | 2008-05-12 05:54:00 | Perhaps we have been relying on you too much? I'm a bit late, perhaps, but I'll start with two religious offerings: The local Catholic Vicar was telling the Bishop how his congregation fell asleep during his sermons. The Bishop advised him to, all of a sudden in the middle of his sermon, slap his hand on the pulpit and say loudly, "I spent last night with a beautiful woman." Pause for effect. "I spent last night with my mother." The vicar thought it a great idea and the next Sunday he slapped his hand on the pulpit and said loudly, as his notes hit the floor, "I spent last night with a beautiful woman. I can't remember who she was but the Bishop recommended her." Be careful what you ask for. Canadian vicar out was out walking in the woods when he was confronted by a very fierce and hungry looking bear. He dropped to his knees and prayed: "Lord, please make this bear a Christian." The bear immediately dropped to his knees in prayer: "For what I am about to receive may the Lord make me truly Thankful." |
Roscoe (6288) | ||
| 668508 | 2008-05-12 08:55:00 | Three nuns are killed in a tragic traffic accident and go to heaven. Saint Peter stands waiting for them at the gate. He explains to the nuns that he must ask each a question so that they may prove their worthiness before entering. Approaching the first one, St. Peter asks, "Who was the first man on earth?" Without hesitation, the nun replies, "Oh, that is easy. That was Adam." Angels started singing, the pearly gates swung open and she was allowed to enter. Moving to the second one, St. Pete asks, "Who was the first woman on earth?" Also, without hesitation, she replies, "Oh, that was Eve." Angels started singing, the pearly gates swung open and she, too, was allowed to enter. St. Peter approaches the third and asks, "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?" The nun begins to frantically think, talking to herself she says, "Damn, that's a hard one." The angels started singing, the pearly gates swung open and in she goes. ************************************************** ***** One Sunday morning during a church service, a pillar of flame appears. Sulfur smoke fills the air and the devil appears. The entire congregation flees except for one old man who is moving slowly due to his rheumatism. The devil approaches him. "I am Lucifer," the devil says. The old man just stares at him. The devil continues, "I am Satan, the lord of darkness. Do you not fear me?" "Fear you?" the old man answers in a crotchety voice, "Why should I fear you, I've been married to your sister for the last 50 years!" :D |
smithie 38 (6684) | ||
| 668509 | 2008-05-12 09:43:00 | "Stable relationships are only for horses" :rolleyes: | Renmoo (66) | ||
| 668510 | 2008-05-12 10:28:00 | Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?" |
Marnie (4574) | ||
| 668511 | 2008-05-12 21:05:00 | There was a line of men standing in front of the Pearly Gates waiting to be admitted. A sign overhead read, "For men who have been dominated all their lives by their wives." The line extended as far as the eye could see. There was another sign nearby: "For men who have never been dominated by their wives." One man was standing in that line. St Peter came over to him and asked, "Why are you standing there?" The man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here." |
Roscoe (6288) | ||
| 668512 | 2008-05-12 21:06:00 | Billy may or may not have been kidnapped by a dozen amazon womans having there way with him. | rob_on_guitar (4196) | ||
| 668513 | 2008-05-12 21:20:00 | Let's hope he's ok...speak to us, Billy! | Marnie (4574) | ||
| 668514 | 2008-05-12 21:31:00 | A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!' 'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!' The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?' 'Yes,' comes back the answer. 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband. 'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark. 'Where are you?' asks the husband. 'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk. :lol: :lol: :lol: :D |
nofam (9009) | ||
| 668515 | 2008-05-12 21:35:00 | Hehehehehe. :p | wratterus (105) | ||
| 668516 | 2008-05-12 23:20:00 | "Stable relationships are only for horses" :rolleyes: He used to breed horses until he found out that they could do it themselves.:blush: |
Roscoe (6288) | ||
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