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Thread ID: 89981	2008-05-18 22:19:00	Monday Laughs: .......Best job in the world?	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
670551	2008-05-18 22:19:00	A bloke goes into the employment office in Auckland for a look through the job vacancies, which doesn't take him very long of course. Then, just as he's about to give up and go away, he spots something. "Wanted", it says. "Single man, willing to travel, must have warm hands and own scissors. $1500 a week guaranteed, plus company car and all expenses". "Well, it sounds a bit too good to be true, so the bloke makes a note of the reference number and fronts up at the counter. "I'd like to apply for this job", he says, "reference number E/784/B46-OP1737AZR2D2." Oh, that one," says the clerk. "It's a Model Agency right here in Auckland. They're looking for a pubic hair snipper and bra-cup adjuster. You see, they supply girls who model underwear and bathers, and before they go on the catwalk, they report to you in the Model's dressing room, and you have to snip off any pubic hair that may show once they put their bikini on. You also have to help them get their bra-cups adjusted because they are well endowed and the Agency doesn't want any little rolls outside the edges. The job pays well, but there are a few drawbacks. It involves quite a lot of travel. The Bahamas, Tahiti, Paris, London, New York, Rome, that sort of thing, and you have to get used to living in first-class hotels." "I reckon I could learn to live with it," says the bloke. "I'd really like to apply for the job." The clerk shrugs and says, "OK, here's an application form and a rail ticket to Taumaranui". "Taumaranui?" exclaims the bloke. "Taumara-bloody-nui? What do I wanna go to Taumaranui for?" "Well", says the clerk, "that's where the end of the queue is, at the moment!" Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
670552	2008-05-18 23:28:00	Interesting job I'm sure :lol: Did you know that eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years . After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her . She had been shot . Dead! Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier . So he flew off to find a new mate . He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest . The sex was good but all the dove would say is 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!' Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest . Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is, 'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!' So out with the loon . Once more he flew off to find a mate . This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest . This time the sex was great, but all the duck > would say was . . . . . . > > > > > > > > No, the duck didn't say THAT!!!! . . . Don't be SO disgusting . ! :eek: :eek: > The duck said, 'I am a DRAKE , and you've made a BIG BLOODY MISTAKE !!!!!!!!!! __________________________________________________ _ From the Mrs :rolleyes: Interesting ( But boring) Human Body Facts that You Cannot Live Without The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm . -A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball -It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach . -One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb) . -Human thighbones are stronger than concrete . -A woman's heart beats faster than a man's . -If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died . -There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet . -Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch . -Women blink twice as often as men . -The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain . -When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate . . . . . . . . they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate! -Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't . -Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still . -The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb . -The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man . Hey guys! . . . . . . You just checked the length of your thumb, didn't you? :p	wainuitech (129)
670553	2008-05-18 23:40:00	A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck . Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him . Looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island . After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set . One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance . As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman . Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and . . . put his arm around it . But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep . After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling . A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck . The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen . She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health . When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual . It was another beautiful evening . . . red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance . Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again . He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and, realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'	Cicero (40)
670554	2008-05-18 23:50:00	In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?" "That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though, because there is a third test, the Filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True, Good, or even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was shagging his wife..	Cicero (40)
670555	2008-05-19 00:10:00	A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he could do. A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get them onto a three-day cruise. The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three Dramamines and three condoms. Next day, the agent called back and said that he now could book a five-day cruise. The guy said, "I'll take it," and returned to the same pharmacy, to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms. The following day, the travel agent called yet again and said he could now book an eight-day cruise. The guy agreed, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms. The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it? :D	smithie 38 (6684)
670556	2008-05-19 05:36:00	:lol::lol::lol: All of them are fantastic today :thumbs:	beeswax34 (63)
670557	2008-05-19 06:24:00	A Texas rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door . A young boy, about 9, opened the door . "Is yer Dad home?" the rancher asked . "No sir, he ain't," the boy replied . "He went to town . " Well said the rancher, "is yer Mom here?" "No, sir, she ain't here neither . She went into town with Dad . "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "He went with Mom and Dad . " The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself . "Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely . "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one . Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad . " "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Dad . It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant . " The boy considered, then conceded, "You would have to talk to Pa about that . If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but, I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard . "	Cicero (40)
670558	2008-05-19 07:15:00	You just checked the length of your thumb, didn't you? :p AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol:	password (5384)
670559	2008-05-19 07:17:00	Not a joke but signage and other things (www.spareroom.co.nz) from around NZ, for a change And this one for the Asthmatics amongst you www.spareroom.co.nz	Morgenmuffel (187)
670560	2008-05-19 07:31:00	The PJ label is very weird Nigel!!! lol	rob_on_guitar (4196)
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