Forum Home
PC World Chat
 
Thread ID: 90178 2008-05-25 21:22:00 Monday Laughs: .......Since we are recycling oldies but goodies...... Billy T (70) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
672498 2008-05-25 21:22:00 Try these.............24 in one dose, lie down before taking



Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix"

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

Time Wounds All Heels

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals--On Wheels

**************************

At a Proctologist's door:

To expedite your visit, please back in

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

We Repair What Your Husband Fixed

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

Don't sleep with a drip; Call your Plumber!

**************************

On a Church Billboard:

7 days without God makes one weak

**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

Invite us to your next blowout

**************************

At a Towing company:

We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

Let Us Remove Your Shorts

**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:

If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

Push! Push! Push!

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

We really know our stuff

**************************

On a Fence:

Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment

**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:

No appointment necessary; We hear you coming

**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

**************************

At the Electric Company

We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be.

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in

and get fed up

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

Drive carefully! We'll wait...

**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:

Thank heaven for little grills

**************************

And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

Best place in town to take a leak

**********************

And lastly, a sign most apposite for the times........


Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises



Cheers

Billy 8-{) :thumbs:

Just noticed, only 2 posts to go to make 3000, added to 4000 for the previous forum and 3000 for the one before that (This is PF1 MkIII) that makes 10,000 PF1 posts. Maybe it's time for me to retire gracefully and do some work for a change. 		Billy T (70)
672499 2008-05-25 21:38:00 Nah... don't go Billy, we look forward to your contributions.

Ken 		kenj (9738)
672500 2008-05-25 22:03:00 A Man's Viewpoint of Marriage


1) The last fight we had was my fault . My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

2) In the beginning, God created earth and rested .
Then God created man and rested .
Then God created woman .
Since then, neither God nor man has rested .

3) My wife and I are inseparable . In fact, last week it took four NZP officers and a dog .

4) What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks .

5) A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days . " She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower,"

6) Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mother- in-laws .

7) Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son .

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted" .
Next day he received a hundred letters . They all said the same thing: "You can have mine . "

9) The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once .

10) How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free .

11) Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all .

12) If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep .

13) Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late . "

14) A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying . "

15) The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her . "

16) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful .

sarel 		sarel (2490)
672501 2008-05-25 23:00:00 Dont go Billy, just ask for a pay rise lol rob_on_guitar (4196)
672502 2008-05-25 23:02:00 Dont go Billy, just ask for a pay rise lol
At least a 35% increase. ;) 		R2x1 (4628)
672503 2008-05-25 23:13:00 At least a 35% increase. ;)

No No No, The budget said the extra $16 a week will be sufficient

Yea right..:yuck: 		password (5384)
672504 2008-05-26 00:34:00 No No No, The budget said the extra $16 a week will be sufficient

Yea right..:yuck:


That was for the 'bludge it'. Billy is a special case, MC and HC may appoint him in charge of the Laughter Department.

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy and said quietly. "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning," replied the young man still focused on the plaque. "What is this?" he asked.

"Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked. "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11.14?" 		Marnie (4574)
672505 2008-05-26 03:47:00 found over at http://thedailywtf.com/



"This is how you set up the monitoring?" Shawn G. looked down at the

system in disbelief. There was a watchdog connected to a power relay to ensure that it was always running. The power relay sat right next to the power switch in a sealed environmental enclosure.

Oh well, Shawn thought, this is what I'm here to work on. I'll get this set up right. He reached into the dark enclosure for the power switch to reboot the system. And missed the switch.

Instead, he grabbed the relay contact, jumped back from the system yelling a word or two that would make a sailor blush, and waved his throbbing hand around. One of his colleagues, arms aflail, ran around yelling "SAFETY OFFICER!"

As Shawn sat there, rubbing his hand, he noticed the cover for the power relay sitting comfortably on a nearby table — he wasn't sure why it wasn't on the relay, but it explained the jolt. Finally the safety officer was on the scene, spreading yellow tape and warning signs, marking each individual outlet and power switch with safety tags. He sent Shawn to the staff nurse, gave him the workman's comp paperwork, and an official incident report form.

The following week Shawn was summoned to a meeting with the safety commission — a humorless, perpetually frowning group that was clearly not happy about the incident. The room seemed as though it was designed to intimidate Shawn. He'd sit opposite the group in a beat-up chair that sat directly under a bright light. It was beginning to feel more like an interrogation than a meeting.

Of course, Shawn was feeling confident. They couldn't come after him for getting hurt by trying to turn on a computer since someone left electrical components exposed.

Unamusedly, a committee member spoke up. "Do you have any authority under union regulations to operate power equipment?"

Shawn thought and chose his words carefully. "No, I don't have that authority, but I am allowed to operate a power switch on a computer."

"Ah," one of the committe said while trying to grin, "but it is a power switch, and therefore it is power equipment, which falls under the electrical trades union agreement." The others similarly tried to grin, satisfied that they'd avoided a lawsuit that day.

"It is therefore the finding of this committee that you have violated your authority under union regulations." How dare Shawn try to use the power switch without proper authorization? "A safety violation will be recorded on your permanent record."

That's where Shawn got freaked out a little. Burn his Social Security card, tear up his high school diploma, ruin his credit score, but God help him if there's another blemish on his permanent record! He still has to live with the last incident that had gone on his permanent record, when he made fart sounds with his armpit during class in the second grade.

Shawn kept his copy of the incident report and swore to himself that he wouldn't let something like this happen again. That afternoon he grabbed a stack of work order forms and filled one out.

********* WORK ORDER FORM *********

Employee Name: Shawn G. Work Date: 05/13/2008 5:00 PM
Work Performed By: Electrical Trade Union
Action Requested:

Please shut down my computer when I'm ready to leave for
the day.

...

Shawn urged his colleagues to do the same — after all, they're not authorized. Gradually, more and more people joined in and work orders were opened for the electrical union faster than they could be signed. The staff needed computers turned on and off, light switches toggled, fans plugged in and unplugged, coffee makers turned on, radios turned off, pencils sharpened (though analog sharpeners were OK).

It didn't take long for Shawn to get summoned to the director's office. "Funny thing, Shawn," he began with a forced smile. "Seems your safety citation got lost somewhere in the system, so your file is clean. Aside from that fart noise thing." As Shawn was about to turn around and leave, the director added, "if you don't mind, could you let people know that they can stop filing work orders for every power switch."

The following month everyone became responsible for small electronics. And they didn't even have to go through an equipment training session! 		robsonde (120)
672506 2008-05-26 03:51:00 No No No, The budget said the extra $16 a week will be sufficient

Yea right..:yuck:
But the 35% will cost less. :D 		R2x1 (4628)
672507 2008-05-26 04:00:00 someone has stolen my sig files :-(

They were delicious. 		SurferJoe46 (51)
1 2 3