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Thread ID: 90451	2008-06-03 10:47:00	Monday Laughs: .......Tuesday Edition	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
675295	2008-06-03 23:15:00	This describes my parents. Seriously. Ouch... You know what they say... "The daughters of their mother" or "The sons of their fathers" Ken :p	kenj (9738)
675296	2008-06-03 23:32:00	Thank you all for your kind words, they are really appreciated . It was my 60th birthday party and I was mightily peeved to miss it . Here's a couple more to keep you going: A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower . "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher . "I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said the little boy . After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, will you take my bike in trade for it?" The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal . " The preacher took the mower and began to crank it . He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower . The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start . " The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started . " The preacher said, I can't cuss . It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss . " The little boy looked at him happily and said, "You just keep pulling on that rope . It'll come back to ya . *********************** When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak at the knees, and he begins to think irrationally . -Ever wondered why? . . . . . Because she smells like a new car . :wub Cheers Billy 8-{) :thanks	Billy T (70)
675297	2008-06-04 00:46:00	Glad you are mended. (The last is the best yet) :)	R2x1 (4628)
675298	2008-06-04 05:40:00	Billy - keep well! I absolutely appreciate your weekly jokes (and use them/recycle them unashamedly!):thanks	R.M. (561)
675299	2008-06-04 11:48:00	A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car. A cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him". "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."	Metla (12)
675300	2008-06-04 16:10:00	Dear Technical Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7 . 0 to Wife 1 . 0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources . In addition, Wife 1 . 0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity . Applications such as Poker Night 10 . 3, Football 5 . 0 , Hunting and Fishing 7 . 5 , and Golf 3 . 6 were also affected I can't seem to keep Wife 1 . 0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications . I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7 . 0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1 . 0 . Please help! Thanks, Troubled User . . . . . _____________________________________ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about . Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7 . 0 to Wife 1 . 0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program . Wife 1 . 0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1 . 0 and to return to Girlfriend 7 . 0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed . You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7 . 0 because Wife 1 . 0 is designed to not allow this . Look in your Wife 1 . 0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1 . 0 and work on improving the situation . I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation . The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway . Wife 1 . 0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1 . 0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3 . 0 , Cook It 1 . 5 and Do Bills 4 . 2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9 . 5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1 . 0 is to purchase additional software . I recommend Flowers 2 . 1 and Diamonds 5 . 0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3 . 3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1 . 0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system and can delete all bank account information!	KenESmith (6287)
675301	2008-06-04 18:27:00	Man, the Aussie one was fantastic :D Stay well Billy T :thumbs: x 2 :lol:	Greg (193)
675302	2008-06-05 00:31:00	Got this from a Canadian website: Six Kinds of Sex 1. The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you keep doing it until you're blue in the face. 2. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen on the table, etc. 3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom. 4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!" This is also called oral sex by some. 5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom. 6. There is also Benefit or Pension Sex...that's when you get a little bit once a month but it's not enough to live on.... Sarel	sarel (2490)
675303	2008-06-05 01:50:00	At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue . While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: ' I notice you buy a lot of candles . What do you do with the candle drippings? ' Good question, ' noted the Rabbi . ' We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles . ' Oh, ' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer . But on he went, in his obnoxious way: ' What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs? ' Ah, yes, ' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question . ' We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits ' I see, ' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi . ' Well, Rabbi, ' he went on, ' what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform? ' Here, too, we do not waste, ' answered the Rabbi . ' What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick .	smithie 38 (6684)
675304	2008-06-05 02:28:00	Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick. :lol:	ubergeek85 (131)
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