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Thread ID: 91217	2008-06-29 21:47:00	Monday Laughs: .......Filial Funnies	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
683776	2008-06-29 21:47:00	A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, simply, 'Dad.' With dread feelings and trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter: Dear Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you and Mum would not approve of her because of all her piercings and tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. Stacy is pregnant and we are both very happy because Stacy says it must have happened the very first time we made love. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone so we'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better, she sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. I'm sure we'll be back to visit someday, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, Your son, Joshua. P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home! ****************************** An old man, living alone, wanted to dig over his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation. Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison. Love, Dad Shortly afterwards, the old man received this telegram: "Dad, please don't dig up the garden. That's where I buried the guns." At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next. His son replied: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here." ****************************** John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot lie detector. About 5:30 that afternoon their 11 year old son returned home from school over 2 hours late. "Where have you been"? asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied, we really watched a pornographic DVD movie." "I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! After all, he is your son!" With that the robot whacked Marsha and knocked her clean off her chair. ****************************** A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. Listen, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mother. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G! see?" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, I saw that all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" and she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good dear," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24." Cheers Billy 8-{) :D Yeah, I know, I snuck a blonde joke in there, but it was still about a kid! P.S. It's OK to go look up filial in a dictionary, you know you want to.	Billy T (70)
683777	2008-06-29 21:51:00	They were all brilliant Billy! :) A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember." "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know, I would have got out today. "	wratterus (105)
683778	2008-06-29 22:17:00	A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. Just he and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" "Oh yes, Grandpa" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb b***d or s**t head anywhere we went today!" ************************************************** **** Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,' the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'	smithie 38 (6684)
683779	2008-06-30 00:10:00	When Leif Ericson returned to Greenland from his New World Voyage, he found that his name had been dropped from the register of his home town. He reported the omission the the Chief Town Official who, deeming it a slight to a distinguished citizen, protested strongly to the district census taker. "I'm terribly sorry," he apologized. "I must have taken Leif off my census."	Roscoe (6288)
683780	2008-06-30 00:43:00	:lol:	qazwsxokmijn (102)
683781	2008-06-30 03:45:00	LMAO! They're all awesome today :D :D :lol:	beeswax34 (63)
683782	2008-06-30 04:49:00	Grandma's Birth Control Pills . . . An 80-year-old woman's doctor finally retired after many years of seeing her . At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all her prescriptions . As the young doctor was looking through the medications on the list, his eyes grew wide as he noticed a rather odd prescription for a woman her age . "Mrs . Smith," he said as he pointed to the medicine . "I have to say I'm a little confused over this one prescription . Could you tell me what it's for?" The woman looked at the medicine and replied, "Oh, yes . Those are wonderful pills . They help me sleep . " The doctor was taken aback . "Mrs . Smith, I don't mean to contradict you, but I don't see how they can possibly help you sleep . You see, these are birth control pills!" "Well, I know that, dear," she said . "You see, every morning I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks . And I promise you . . . they definitely help me to sleep at night . "	Marnie (4574)
683783	2008-06-30 21:19:00	Paddy and Mick walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said, 'Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair'. Paddy says to his pal, 'When we get back to Ireland , we could make a feckin' fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent.' Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.' says Mick. They go in and Paddy says, 'I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and .....' The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from Ireland, aren't you?' 'Well...yes,' says a surprised Paddy . 'How der hell d' y' know dat?' The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners.' Ken	kenj (9738)
683784	2008-07-02 09:20:00	A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom . Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 150kph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left . 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more . Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring . 'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 170kph, then 190, then 200kph . Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him . Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes . Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend . If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go . ' The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman . I thought you were bringing her back . ' 'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman .	Cicero (40)
683785	2008-07-02 09:39:00	A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds . The wife wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that . So the wife went on the ride by herself . The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet . "Are you hurt?" he asked . "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied . "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"	johcar (6283)
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