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Thread ID: 92260	2008-08-03 21:11:00	Monday Laughs: .......Religion, truth and honesty	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
694687	2008-08-03 21:11:00	For today’s Monday laughs we have some short reflections on truth and honesty: A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week . "Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about truthfulness and dishonesty, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark . " The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room . " About half the class rose and came forward . "The rest of you may leave," said the teacher . "These students are the ones I want to talk to . There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark . " ********************************* "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees . "Yes sir," the employee replied . "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on . "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you . " ********************************* A man goes to see the Rabbi . "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it . " The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me . " The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what . Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know . " A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife . I spoke to her on the phone for three hours . You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "take the poison . " ********************************* A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce . The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce . The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter . Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard wants to buy half a head of lettuce . " As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half . " The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way . Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier . We like people who think on their feet here . Where are you from son?" "Australia, sir," the boy replied . "Well, why did you leave Australia?" the manager asked . The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby league players there . " "Really," replied the manager? "My wife is from Australia!" "What a coincidence" replied the boy . "Who'd she play for?" ********************************* And finally, something different: The Test There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are four animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by below it . They all stop to rest for a while in the shade of its branches then decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree . Who do you guess will win? Your answer will reflect your personality . So think carefully . . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds Got your answer? Now left-click at the * below and drag down to see your personality analysis . * If your answer is: Lion = you're a dill . Chimpanzee = you're a moron . Giraffe = you're a complete idiot . Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid . A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS . Obviously you're stressed and overworked . You should take some time off and relax! Try again next year . A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BRANCHES EITHER! Maybe you need even more time off, or a brain transplant . Cheers Billy 8-{) :banana	Billy T (70)
694688	2008-08-03 22:01:00	Oops.... failed that test :(	mejobloggs (264)
694689	2008-08-03 22:16:00	I realised that bananas do not grow on coconut trees but I did not think about the branches. Good test! What is more interesting, though, is how you managed to hide the personality test. That I liked. Will you please reveal your secret. I have not seen that done before.	Roscoe (6288)
694690	2008-08-03 22:17:00	What is more interesting, though, is how you managed to hide the personality test. That I liked. Will you please reveal your secret. I have not seen that done before. Change the colour of the text to white, hardly rocket science. ;) Example: Technology for the win. :D	wratterus (105)
694691	2008-08-03 22:35:00	Helen Clark Talks to the Children Helen Clark was visiting a school and was asked by a teacher if she would like to lead the discussion on what constituted a “tragedy”. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stood up and offered, “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.” “No,” said Clark, “that would be an accident.” A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.” “I’m afraid not.” explained the PM. “That’s what we would call a great loss.” The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Clark searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?” Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: “If an aircraft carrying you, Ms. Clark, was struck by a “friendly fire” missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.” “Fantastic!” exclaimed Clark. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?” “Well,” says the boy, “it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident.”	johcar (6283)
694692	2008-08-03 22:38:00	On the religious theme: Teacher asked the class, "Who wants to go to heaven?" Young Johnny was the only one who did not raise his hand. The teacher asked him, "Why not." "Sorry Miss, I thought that you were getting up a party to go now." On the bulletin board at the local church, ill parishioners are listed under the heading of, "Sick of the Parish." Sign on the church noticeboard: "Chicken dinner next Saturday - come in for a wing and a prayer." From an announcement of a Eucharist to be held on All Saints Day. "We invite you to come along and offer the names of your loved ones who have died during this service." By the time the morning service was to begin, only one man was in the church. The minister said to him, "It looks as though everyone has slept in. Do you want to go home or do you want to hear my sermon?" The man replied, "When I go to feed the chooks and only one comes, I still feed it." The minister took that as a yes, mounted the pulpit and delivered an hour long sermon. At the end he asked the man what he thought. "When I go to feed the chooks and only one turns up, I don't give it the whole bucket!"	Roscoe (6288)
694693	2008-08-03 22:41:00	Change the colour of the text to white, hardly rocket science. ;) Example: Technology for the win. :D Thanks, Wratty, *Easy when you know the trick, eh? Will have to use that one on my next email.	Roscoe (6288)
694694	2008-08-03 22:50:00	On the religious theme: Teacher asked the class, "Who wants to go to heaven?" Young Johnny was the only one who did not raise his hand. The teacher asked him, "Why not." "Sorry Miss, I thought that you were getting up a party to go now." On the bulletin board at the local church, ill parishioners are listed under the heading of, "Sick of the Parish." Sign on the church noticeboard: "Chicken dinner next Saturday - come in for a wing and a prayer." From an announcement of a Eucharist to be held on All Saints Day. "We invite you to come along and offer the names of your loved ones who have died during this service." By the time the morning service was to begin, only one man was in the church. The minister said to him, "It looks as though everyone has slept in. Do you want to go home or do you want to hear my sermon?" The man replied, "When I go to feed the chooks and only one comes, I still feed it." The minister took that as a yes, mounted the pulpit and delivered an hour long sermon. At the end he asked the man what he thought. "When I go to feed the chooks and only one turns up, I don't give it the whole bucket!" I like the last one Roscoe!	johcar (6283)
694695	2008-08-03 23:00:00	There is a really funny Trademe auction going atm. But I can't access TM at work. Can someone post a screenshot of all the questions? Exact title of auction is "Male Wedding Ring (please, take it off my hands!)"	mejobloggs (264)
694696	2008-08-03 23:03:00	There is a really funny Trademe auction going atm. But I can't access TM at work. Can someone post a screenshot of all the questions? Exact title of auction is "Male Wedding Ring (please, take it off my hands!)" Listing has been withdrawn by Trademe	johcar (6283)
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