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Thread ID: 145692	2018-01-07 03:46:00	Monday Laughs 2018 ... Justin Trousersnake, stable genii, and cicumcision	WalOne (4202)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1444493	2018-01-07 03:46:00	Hi Folks! Here we are again, this time with the first for 2018 :banana :D:D First cab off the rank for 2018 is Justin Timberlake and . . . Nothin' I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feel a good, good creepin' up on you So just dance, dance, dance, come on All those things I shouldn't do… Volume up and let 'er rip! Click HERE for Justin ( . youtube . com/watch?v=ru0K8uYEZWw" target="_blank">www . youtube . com) +++++////\\\\+++++ Walone's Mainland spy tells me the Speights rumour mill people haven’t been slacking over the break . The current acrostic for “SPEIGHTS” is claimed to be; S Some P People E Enjoy I It G God H Hates T The S Stuff +++++////\\\\+++++ Reminds me of that oldy-but-goody again featuring Speights, from a few years ago and worth re-telling … :lol: A bloke from Southland buys a round of Speights for all in the bar, because, he announces, "The wife has just produced a typical Southland baby boy weighing 15kgs" . Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard . A woman even screamed due to sympathy pains . Two weeks later, he returns to the bar . The bartender says, "Hey aren't you the father of the typical Southland baby that weighed 15kgs at birth? How much does he weigh now?” The proud father answers "12kgs" . The bartender is puzzled, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 15kgs at birth" . The father takes a slow swig from his Speights beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says . . . “Had him circumcised . ” ”Good on yah, mate” +++++////\\\\+++++ 8623 +++++////\\\\+++++ :clap Would you cheat on your wife? On whom else would I be cheating! +++++////\\\\+++++ A neighbourly confession Hi, Fred, this is Alan next door . I have a confession to make . I have been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face, but I am at least telling you in a text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing . The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you’re not around . In fact, probably more than you . I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but I know that’s no excuse . The temptation was just too great . I can no longer live with the guilt and hope that you will accept my sincerest apology and forgive me . It won’t happen again . Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you . Regards, Alan . The neighbour’s response Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, then grabbed his gun and shot his neighbour Alan dead . He returned home, poured himself a stiff drink, and sat down on the sofa . Fred took out his phone where he saw a second message from Alan . The second message Hi, Fred, this is Alan next door, again . Sorry about the typo on my last text . I expect that you figured it out and noticed that darned Auto-Correct changed “wi-fi” to “wife . ” That’s today’s technology for you, hey? Regards, Alan +++++////\\\\+++++ Reminds me of this 8624 +++++////\\\\+++++[/COLOR We’re still in the BBQ season, and here’s a nifty invention from across the ditch to make life easier . . . 8625 When you’re finished just flush it and the fire goes out . +++++////\\\\+++++ :) Romantic relationships can actually be represented in algebra . You for example, have definitely at some point looked at your X and asked yourself Y . ;) I went on a date with a chess player to an Italian restaurant . With checkered table cloths . It took her maybe half an hour to pass the salt . :D Moses was leading his people across the desert to the promised land for 40 years . This was possibly the start of the saying that men refuse to stop and ask for directions . :groan: For an embarrassingly long time I put golf balls in the same category as athlete’s foot . :cool: Legalise mrahi… . Legalise marrrhi… . Legalise pot! +++++////\\\\+++++ Do you have a cat? And are you not a fan of house chores? Here’s a little tip: Make your cat full of static electricity by rubbing her with a balloon and then use a laser pointer to have her go on all your dusty shelves and surfaces . There you go, dusting is a chore of yesterday . +++++////\\\\+++++ An optician is training a new shop assistant and gives him the rules . “It’s all about proper behavior, proper way of speaking, Joe . “Putting in the right pauses in your speech is crucial, too . For instance, the customer enquires about a pair of glasses . You say ‘It’s fifty dollars’ and you make a pause . “If the customer looks OK, you continue, ‘for the rims . The lenses are ten dollars’ and if the customer still looks fine, you continue, ‘each . ’” +++++////\\\\+++++ Here’s to Grace Davies, runner up to 2017 X-Factor, singing a duet here with Paloma Faith [COLOR="#0000FF"]Click HERE for Grace Davies ( . youtube . com/watch?v=dyleJ-qNm3o" target="_blank">www . youtube . com) Well done, Grace . At least you don’t have to put up with the awful Sharon Osbourne as mentor now the contest is run its course . Sorry you didn’t make the number 1 spot, but any boy bands are always going to win, no matter that within five years they will have disbanded and gone their separate ways . Keep at it and you’ll still be in the public view in fifty years’ time … Here’s to you! 8626 +++++////\\\\+++++ All for this week, PF1ers, please feel free to contribute any funny stuff you’d think we’d enjoy! Cheers Walone	WalOne (4202)
1444494	2018-01-07 03:56:00	Excellent Wal, as usual... 😊 Ken	kenj (9738)
1444495	2018-01-07 05:06:00	Thanks Wal happy New Year	gary67 (56)
1444496	2018-01-07 06:11:00	Some of us have met this guy - you others are yet to have the pleasure!! A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to find out about the young man. The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk. "So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man. "I am a biblical scholar," he replied. "A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?" "I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?" Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé. The conversation proceeded and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide. Later, the mother asked, "How did it go, honey?" The father answered, "He has no job, and no plans, and he thinks I'm God."	smithie 38 (6684)
1444497	2018-01-07 06:15:00	Moses was leading his people across the desert to the promised land for 40 years. This was possibly the start of the saying that men refuse to stop and ask for directions. Yes, always wondered how someone could come up with such a ridiculous story, I mean, were they walking round in circles? Dave Kunst was the very first (verified) person to complete an entire circuit of the earth on foot . Beginning in June 1970, Dave, accompanied by his brother John, left on a journey that would take them across Europe, North America, Asia, the Middle East and Europe. He walked 14,450 miles total in just over 4 years.	piroska (17583)
1444498	2018-01-07 06:47:00	xkcd.com The meltdown and spectre exploit explained in almost English	the_bogan (9949)
1444499	2018-01-09 23:12:00	"Moses was leading his people across the desert to the promised land for 40 years . This . . . " Yes, always wondered how someone could come up with such a ridiculous story, I mean, were they walking round in circles? Guides were the earliest form of mass transport . Like Taxidrivers with certain accents, they frequently optimised the travel to ensure a good income by maximising the two chargeable variables, time and distance en-route . Governments, doctors and lawyers have continually honed this skill further over the years . ;)	R2x1 (4628)
1444500	2018-01-12 03:55:00	The reason why most buildings have lobbies is because of the influence of the lobby lobby. Employees who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do. I’m a recovering workaholic. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Every piece of equipment in our office is covered by insurance, except the clock. But our employees are always watching that. Corgis, of course, are bred to approve gas fitters. I was in Kenya and I spent two weeks on a Land Rover safari. What a waste of time, I didn't see any Land Rovers. I'm against animal testing. They get all nervous, confused and start answering the wrong questions. On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten. So I went back to my local pet shop. I said,"I want my money back for this budgie sunbed." The guy said,"that's a toasted sandwich maker." One rat said to the other rat: ”I've got this psychologist well trained. Every time I ring the bell he brings me food”. Where do tadpoles change? .............In the croakroom. Crime doesn't pay. Does that mean my job is a crime?	R2x1 (4628)
1444501	2018-01-12 04:16:00	Yes, always wondered how someone could come up with such a ridiculous story, I mean, were they walking round in circles? Dave Kunst was the very first (verified) person to complete an entire circuit of the earth on foot . Beginning in June 1970, Dave, accompanied by his brother John, left on a journey that would take them across Europe, North America, Asia, the Middle East and Europe. He walked 14,450 miles total in just over 4 years. Moses dragged the Jews through the desert for forty years to bring us to the one place in the Middle East where there was no oil. Golda Meir	R2x1 (4628)
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