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Thread ID: 93167	2008-09-06 01:10:00	Secrets	beetle (243)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
702903	2008-09-06 05:54:00	Beetle - as Arnie says, one possibility is for the three of you to contest the will, (or even just your mum so she has some support as she gets older). And that of course may achieve some form of "justice" in terms of where the property goes. However, that does not help with the real betrayal that you are talking about - whether or not you get the will altered, the fact remains that your dad did this, and the hurt will not be changed by legal action, will it? Family secrets - sometimes called "dirty little secrets" are what sustain other betrayals like family violence and sexual abuse within families - "don't tell anyone, this is just our special secret". And of course favouritisim towards sons has a long and dishonourable history in many cultures around the world. It is very sad that it continues in this manner. Possibly the hardest thing about all this is that he has gone, and you can't say anything to him to tell him what effect this has had on all of you. Dare I say that this is one of the most cowardly things a man can do to his family - knowing that the secret will come out after he is out of here? It must be very painful for all three of you - I don't know what else to say. Seconded. I'm not really sure what else to say, as others in this thread have already expressed my sentiments perfectly. Hope you guys manage to get this sorted out in a way that leaves everyone feeling a lot happier than they seem to be at the moment. Stay strong.	Erayd (23)
702904	2008-09-06 06:06:00	People are flawed, some people suffer from massive flaws, ...even the people we love. Is that enough reason to not love them? in death? Not saying yes or no, Just putting it out there. If my Dad died tomorrow and left me nothing I would still cherish the time I spent with him. Though I'd have a mighty big chip on my shoulder. That aside, surely your Ma owns half the estate anyway?, and the will can't give away what is hers.	Metla (12)
702905	2008-09-06 06:26:00	I . . . . . . at the moment the hurt overides the love, but its still there, i just cant beleive that he managed to pull the wool over our eyes for so long . I never wanted his money, or his stuff in his shed . . . . . . . . . . . . . i just wanted to be accepted for who i was, and i was always trying to do what i thought he wanted of us girls . . . . . . . . . married/ family and then training / jobs . . . . i went to university twice, and i never felt it was good enough . after all these years of trying to be the best, and get brilliant grades, do the right thing and always ask him for guidance . . . . . . . . . i feel now in a way he was probably laughing at us . . . . my brother who i cant remeber ever having a real job, and ran the farm into the ground, is now debt free and retired before he is 55 . its never been about money . . . . . . . . we were one of the the first farms (dad was) to be a morgagee sale in the late 80's in our region when 24% was the norm, and the government didnt help things . . . . we lost everything, but my brother managed to keep his?????? it was a third generation farm My mum lives in a granny flat that is on my sisters property, and technically is now owned by my sister . this was the agreement when it was built . all along it was to be hers . and she is 76 years old and lives on a pension, she is due to go into hospital soon for a series of operations . . . . she is not eating, sleeping well and is highly stressed at the moment . we are in constant contact and we endeaver to visit her each day, she lives 10mins out of town . and says " if ya father was alive standing here right now id bash him" and thats from a non violent person . The lawyer said things are pretty straight forward with the will, but we dont have the money to contest it, we confronted my brother about it, and now we know longer see him, so yeah i guess life is what you make it, and right now i am really mad at my dad as to what he has done to my family . Oh and as to the estate, mum gets the residue, ( leftovers) after my brother has had his fill appaerently . and she cant sell the house, cos she doesnt own it, so she just has to stay till she is no longer able to live by herself i guess . then into a home maybe? or live with one of us girls? it was never about money, just aceptance . and fairness . Maybe im just asking for too much in life, cos it seems to be a constant round of stress for me, beetle :(	beetle (243)
702906	2008-09-06 10:19:00	Beetle There is a huge difference between what you and many of us see as fairness and Legalaties, and most on this forum look for fairness, Unfortunatly as you said fairness costs because it those that have been hard done buy cannot afford to do any more. We got over a situation by a suggestion from my solicitor was to let words slip out to others close by but stick to the facts, we have certainly come out on top by doing this. Every persons case if different, I am sure that most seeing this feel for you, let's hope that helps a bit	Arnie (6624)
702907	2008-09-06 21:05:00	we are having to face this delema we now face, because of the actions of my dearly departed dad......... who it seems we didnt really know as we thought. : It takes another woman to get it Beetle. I worked it out from that. Well some men are like that. They have old fashioned ideas. You can contest it you know.	pctek (84)
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