Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 145875	2018-02-17 03:16:00	Monday laughs Feb 19th	Digby (677)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1446391	2018-02-17 03:16:00	Just getting in early! Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2,826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.	Digby (677)
1446392	2018-02-17 07:00:00	A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses. "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you. "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly. "No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."	Roscoe (6288)
1446393	2018-02-17 18:58:00	“Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?” “No sir, it's Google Pizza – we bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. Do you want your usual, sir?” “My usual? You know me?” “According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms on a thick crust.” “OK! That’s what I want.” “May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes, and olives on a whole-wheat gluten-free thin crust?” “No, you may not! I don't like vegetables.” “Your cholesterol needs help, sir.” “How the hell do you know?” “We cross-referenced your mobile with your medical records, and have the result of your blood tests for the last seven years.” “Listen, I don't want your vegetable pizza, and I take medication for my cholesterol! “Excuse me sir, but you don't take your medication regularly. Our database indicates that you only filled a prescription for 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Soul Pharmacy, four months ago. “I bought the rest at another pharmacy.” “Not according to your credit card statement.” “I paid in cash.” “Sir, you didn't withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.” “I have other sources of cash.” “That doesn’t show on your last tax return, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.” “WHAT THE HELL?! Goodbye, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and all this crap. I'm moving to an island without internet, cable TV, mobiles and jerks watching and spying on me. “I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired six weeks ago.”	WalOne (4202)
1446394	2018-02-17 19:24:00	Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and-- lo and behold! -- there sat Russ! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?' Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?' 'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?' 'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'. 'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'	smithie 38 (6684)
1446395	2018-02-19 08:53:00	Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. Little Johnny thought to himself that there was quite a large number of horses at this zoo He wondered where all the other animals were, but was still happy to see the horses. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"	tutaenui (1724)
1446396	2018-02-20 05:12:00	What a morning…… 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead. 8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a head scarf. 8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on. 8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : "Yeah, if it's up your a***" 8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter. 9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult weather. 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. 9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot. Moral: When it's this cold and snowy, stay inside.	Marnie (4574)
1446397	2018-02-22 19:18:00	What they Really Mean ... A leading Company - still in business Revolutionary - It goes round Classic - we've got warehouses full of the stuff more to come...	Digby (677)
1