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Thread ID: 145800	2018-01-31 01:22:00	Up for grabs ... Monday Laughs and Happy Birthdays	WalOne (4202)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1445747	2018-02-01 02:13:00	Thanks, Walone, for keeping the hilarity flag flying as long as you did, it will be missed. The Weekly Giggle was always good fun, with just enough Political Incorrectness to keep the adrenalin bubbling.	Jayess64 (8703)
1445748	2018-02-02 21:42:00	Im not here as much as i was, but the jokes have been a forever pf1 thing. thanks ever so kindly. But the post makes me feel like you are leaving ? or just not posting a jokes thread? not so many of the regular old posters here so much any more, passed on, or life to busy, or just dropped off the face of the earth like. :)	beetle (243)
1445749	2018-02-02 23:23:00	:o An engineer dies and reports to hell Soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." ..Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"	beetle (243)
1445750	2018-02-02 23:46:00	Thanks for the joke, beetle. Why must it be left up to one person? I sometimes get jokes from a friend that I can post. Maybe we could all do that. If you already know the joke or it offends you in some way it's nothing personal. If that's the worst thing that happens in your life then you are very lucky indeed. Before I post this one I will mention that my husband is of Irish descent and he laughs at Irish jokes. A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work for a day. So he approached his assistant "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So, Murphy, how was your day?" Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol." "Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, says Murphy.. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen a man!’ "Tunderin' lard, Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes."And sent her to Spec Savers.	Marnie (4574)
1445751	2018-02-03 04:54:00	Great one Marnie!!!! Ken😁	kenj (9738)
1445752	2018-02-03 06:41:00	Why must it be left up to one person? I sometimes get jokes from a friend that I can post. Maybe we could all do that. Good suggestion Marnie Lets hope it catches on. Here is one from me Nymphomaniac Convention A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him. "Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States ......." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded," I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.." "Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish." Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!" "Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."	smithie 38 (6684)
1445753	2018-02-03 06:41:00	Nice one Marnie. Irish jokes are often the bestest! (I'm quarter Irish myself). My favourite one liner is "Did you hear about the shipwrecked Irishman? He got rescued by the Titanic." Meanwhile... The sergeant was in front of his platoon for their inspection. He read out the roll-call and made the day's announcements, starting with... "Smith. your mother's dead" Poor young Smith keeled over in shock. Later the lieutenant took the sergeant aside and said "Y'know sarge, these boys are young, far from home, and often haven't seen any sort of comfort for months on end. When it comes to a grievance we should be considerate of their feelings and be sympathetic." "Right sir" says the sarge. Next day at roll call the sergeant announces the day's announcements and starts with... "All of those of you who have mothers, take one step forward. Hey, not so fast Jones!"	Greg (193)
1445754	2018-02-04 18:19:00	Hey, thanks to all who took the trouble to respond to my original post . Your support has been greatly appreciated, but although I'll still be around to contribute some sage (and not so sage) advice and make some political (and not so political) comment, it really is time to call it quits as far as me and a regular weekly post is concerned . If anyone wants to take up the reins of Monday Laughs, you have my support! Cheers folks, and thanks . :)	WalOne (4202)
1445755	2018-02-06 23:47:00	"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless." An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. If you don't pay your exorcist you can be repossessed. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down. I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. When chemists die, they barium. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. This girl today said she recognised me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore. I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. A thief who stole a calendar received twelve months. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. I received some batteries that were given out free of charge. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. A will is a dead giveaway. With her marriage, she received a new name and a dress. Police were summoned to a daycare centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tyred. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it. Those who get too big for their britches will be totally exposed in the end.	Roscoe (6288)
1445756	2018-02-07 01:04:00	Whoever comes up with those is so clever, Roscoe. Here's an oldy but I still laugh at it. An elderly man, looking about 100 years old, and on a Moped, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars' 'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much? 'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?' 'No problem,' replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right.. But I'll stick with my Moped!' Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 kph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer.He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH Something whips by him going much faster! 'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 kph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 kph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 kph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?' The old man whispers, 'Unhook my f*!king braces from your side mirror'	Marnie (4574)
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