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Thread ID: 145966	2018-03-18 17:47:00	Monday Laughs Mar 19th	Digby (677)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1447467	2018-03-18 17:47:00	Some more "What they really mean" Technical Support - expensive music available by telephone Meets All Standards - Ours not yours Maintenance Free - Its impossible to fix	Digby (677)
1447468	2018-03-18 19:25:00	A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of Pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten Pounds and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you spend this on fees at a Bowls club instead of food?" the man asked "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played bowls in 20 years!" "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and Bowls."	smithie 38 (6684)
1447469	2018-03-18 20:08:00	Probably more fact than fiction but I cannot think of anywhere else to put it . We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office . ~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author --------------------------------------------------------- Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber . ~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher --------------------------------------------- Politicians are the same all over the world, they promise to build a bridge even where there is no river . ~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician ---------------------------------------------------- When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it . ~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone . ------------------------------------------------- Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel . ~John Quinton, American actor/writer -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other . ~Oscar Ameringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism . " ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I offered my opponents a deal: "if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them" . ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952 . . --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country . ~Texas Guinan . 19th century American businessman --------------------------------------------------------------------- I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians . ~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician --------------------------------------------------------------- Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks . ~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981) -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------	Marnie (4574)
1447470	2018-03-19 05:24:00	Obama and Putin died and went to he'll. While there they saw a red phone and asked what the phone was for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the Devil tells him that the cost was a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque. Obama gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the Devil tells him the cost was $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the Devil why Obama got to call the USA so cheaply. The Devil smiles and replies... "Since Trump took over the country has gone to hell, so It's a local call" Ken :)	kenj (9738)
1447471	2018-03-19 22:05:00	Heard an excellent comment this morning re Chris Lidell's new job, saying that "working in the White House for Trump must be similar to being a wife of Henry the 8th" Ken :)	kenj (9738)
1447472	2018-03-20 04:59:00	It snowed all night in Boston on Monday, so Tuesday morning went like this for one Bostonian: 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snowwoman. 8:15 So, I made a snowwoman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow- woman's voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead. 8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 The Muslim across the road wants the snowwoman to wear a headscarf. 8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on. 8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter: "Yeah, if it's up your ass!!" 8:45 TV news comes by. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I reply, "Snowballs" and I am immediately called a pervert. 8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter. 9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult weather. 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. 9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot. Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the America we live in today! Ken :)	kenj (9738)
1447473	2018-03-21 04:14:00	. stuff . co . nz/auckland/local-news/central-leader/102424304/phone-app-developed-to-curb-compulsive-gambling-behaviours" target="_blank">www . stuff . co . nz The Smart Phone based Gambling Evaluation Technology Testing Initiative, or SPGeTTI has been a project spearheaded by University of Auckland researchers . Its aim is to reduce or stop the high number of New Zealanders with gambling additions by using two approaches . The first warned problem gamblers when they were close to pokies or gambling machines by utilising the GPS device on a phone . Funniest thing I've read . Technology - apps especially - are magic!! I can see gamblers taking to it in droves . . . . oh look, it's saying there's a machine in here . . . . goody .	piroska (17583)
1447474	2018-03-23 20:01:00	www.stuff.co.nz The Smart Phone based Gambling Evaluation Technology Testing Initiative, or SPGeTTI has been a project spearheaded by University of Auckland researchers. Its aim is to reduce or stop the high number of New Zealanders with gambling additions by using two approaches. The first warned problem gamblers when they were close to pokies or gambling machines by utilising the GPS device on a phone. Funniest thing I've read. Technology - apps especially - are magic!! I can see gamblers taking to it in droves....oh look, it's saying there's a machine in here....goody. I can see the need for an app that tells users when the jackpot is getting close! (do they still have those jackpots?)	Digby (677)
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