Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 96479	2009-01-11 23:57:00	Monday Laughs...............Relationship Management for the Thinking Man........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
737585	2009-01-11 23:57:00	Meet Marvin...... Men strike back! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary' things that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink and stove. ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....' ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to. ------------------------------------------------------ Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------ ------------------------------------------ AND MAXINE SAYS............MARVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Maxine just had to have the last word. ****************************** CHUCKLES FOR MATURE COUPLES AND OTHERS ..... My husband and I divorced over religious differences: He thought he was God, and I didn't. ------------------------------------------------------- Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. ------------------------------------------------------- For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once...............by mistake. ------------------------------------------------------- There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage. ---------------------------------------------------- Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car. ------------------------------------------------------- The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times." ------------------------------------------------------- An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." Without hesitation, the old man says: "I now pronounce you man and wife." ------------------------------------------------------- Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Cheers Billy 8-{) :rolleyes:	Billy T (70)
737586	2009-01-12 00:09:00	NINE PHRASES WOMEN USE (1) "Fine": This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up . (2) "Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour . Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house . (3) "Nothing": This is the calm before the storm . This means something, and you should be on your toes . Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine . (4) "Go Ahead": This is a dare, not permission . Don't Do It! (5) "Loud Sigh": This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men . A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing . (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing . ) (6) "That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man . That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake . (7) "Thanks": A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint . Just say you're welcome . (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all . DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever') . (8) "Whatever": Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU! (9) "Don't worry about it, I got it": Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself . This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3 .	johcar (6283)
737587	2009-01-12 01:27:00	---------------------------------------------------- Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car. ------------------------------------------------------- :lol:	qazwsxokmijn (102)
737588	2009-01-12 01:29:00	NINE PHRASES WOMEN USE (1) "Fine": This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up . (2) "Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour . Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house . (3) "Nothing": This is the calm before the storm . This means something, and you should be on your toes . Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine . (4) "Go Ahead": This is a dare, not permission . Don't Do It! (5) "Loud Sigh": This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men . A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing . (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing . ) (6) "That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man . That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake . (7) "Thanks": A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint . Just say you're welcome . (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all . DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever') . (8) "Whatever": Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU! (9) "Don't worry about it, I got it": Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself . This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3 . :lol: to that too . :lol:	qazwsxokmijn (102)
737589	2009-01-12 02:16:00	Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car. and the boat as well, (if you have one) :lol: :lol:	stu161204 (123)
737590	2009-01-12 02:22:00	NINE PHRASES WOMEN USE "We" Normally used like this: "We should get the garden done this weekend" . It normally means I should get the garden done this weekend . Or "We could move all those boxes from this room to that room . Normally means that I should do it . I get hundreds of uses of We which ultimately means yet another thing she wants done . Any one want a slightly used wife?	Bantu (52)
737591	2009-01-12 02:47:00	(2) "Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour . Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house . (3) "Nothing": This is the calm before the storm . This means something, and you should be on your toes . Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine . Nope . This is the husbands phrases . I removed a toilet yesterday, after waiting 3 years for him to do it . Naturally I waited till he went out so I wouldn't have to listen to the screaming about how I can't do it, would break it, have no idea, etc etc After the perfect removal I stuck it on Trademe where there is lots of interest, this after he wanted to take it to the tip . Oh, and its NEW and unused, not some gross old thing .	pctek (84)
737592	2009-01-12 02:49:00	After the perfect removal I stuck it on Trademe where there is lots of interest. Its NEW and unused, not some gross old thing. I'm happy about that. :D	wratterus (105)
737593	2009-01-12 03:10:00	Lots Of Lols	pcuser7895 (12979)
737594	2009-01-12 03:45:00	Nope. This is the husbands phrases. I removed a toilet yesterday, after waiting 3 years for him to do it. Naturally I waited till he went out so I wouldn't have to listen to the screaming about how I can't do it, would break it, have no idea, etc etc After the perfect removal I stuck it on Trademe where there is lots of interest, this after he wanted to take it to the tip. Oh, and its NEW and unused, not some gross old thing. Yeah, but pctek, everyone here knows that you're not the 'typical' woman (as evidenced by the story above). You are the archetype that every woman should be striving to become. :)	johcar (6283)
1 2