Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 97235	2009-02-08 20:39:00	Monday Laughs...............Vaguely medical (very vaguely!)	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
746080	2009-02-08 20:39:00	Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich begins to cough, and, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her panties and quickly gives her right butt-cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Manoeuver' but I ain't niver seen nobody do it!' ********************************* An Alabama couple had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband a vasectomy. The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make their decision. Why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this now? The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every 10 children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish. ********************************** The Dinner Party.. A group of country neighbours planned a get together and Jim-Bob and Susie-Mae Brown volunteered to cook dinner. Of course, Susie-Mae wanted to make the BEST dinner possible, got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steaks. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive." He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed." She said, "No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poison." He then said, "I don't think so. I see the varmints eating them all the time, and it has never affected them." After thinking about this, Susie-Mae decided to give this a try and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced and diced them to get them ready to go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and got Ol'Spot's bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty. Ol' Spot didn't slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning long Susie-Mae watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success, and Susie-Mae had even hired a lady from town to come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her head. It was first class. After everyone had finished and was enjoying typical small talk, the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered in Susie-Mae's ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died." With this news, Susie-Mae went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance, and I will be there as quick as I can get there. We will pump out everyone's stomach and everything will be fine." Soon the EMTs were there with their suitcases and a stomach pump, the doctor close behind. One by one they took each person into the master bedroom and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now", and he left. They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and about this time the town lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over poor old Spot never even stopped. ********************************** An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks." A German doctor said, "That"s nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks." A Russian doctor said, "In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks." The English doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah!. We can take an ar*ehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours. ********************************** A Doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant "Garge, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Garge. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Garge, How was your day?" Garge told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir" says Garge. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks The doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flash, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs. She said 'Help me Doctor, I haven't seen a man for five years'!" "And what did you do Garge?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes." Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
746081	2009-02-08 21:30:00	:lol:	qazwsxokmijn (102)
746082	2009-02-09 04:00:00	MORAL OF THE WOMAN AND THE FROG . . . . . A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods . She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap . The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes . ' The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes . Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!' The woman said, 'That's okay . ' For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world . The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to' . The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me . ' So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world . The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world . And he will be ten times richer than you . ' The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine . ' So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack . ' Moral of the story: Women are clever . Don't mess with them . Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you . Stop here and continue feeling good . Male readers : Please scroll down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife . Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart . Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show . PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen . . . now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love .	Cicero (40)
746083	2009-02-11 20:22:00	A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out . Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic . He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could . When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous focus . When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150% . Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade . " The instructor replied, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark . Then you put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark . " After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% credit because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career!"	Cicero (40)
746084	2009-02-11 22:20:00	...After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% credit because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career!" :lol::lol::lol:	Bozo (8540)
746085	2009-02-11 22:40:00	:lol::lol::lol: x2 That's the best one you've had for a while Cic! :)	wratterus (105)
1